Blog Archives
Brocagh Bull Identifies As A Cow. Scientists Stumped.
A Brocagh bull that keeps hanging around the milking machines has stumped scientists into believing that it identifies as a cow.
Bertie, who is now called Cassie, spends most of his day with the other cows, and allows young children to play on its back and swing off his horns. To confirm the suspicion, Bertie was thrown into a field of 45 cows in heat but curled up in the corner and went to sleep.
Owner Patsy McGahan fumed:
“I’ve been sold a pup. I needed a bull and bought this one off a boy from Portadown. I paid big money and yer fella said he’ll go all night and all day. The only thing he goes for is a dander around the yard, staring at the cows being milked. To say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly. Cassie is actually eyeing up another bull these days.”
In an idea to prove it was a bull, McGahan dressed as a matador and tried to goad Bertie/Cassie into showing some aggression. The bull just turned around and ate some grass.
Devout Farmers Seek Clarification On Gay Animal Marriage From Religious Leaders
Sheep, waiting to hear the decision
A fleet of farmers from Fintona have appealed to their various denominations for guidance on the issue of gay animal marriages in the wake of the up-coming referendum on same-sex human marriage in Ireland later in the year.
Homosexuality in the animal kindgom has been a thorny issue for farmers for centuries, especially bull farmers whose livlihoods depend on the hetrosexual tendancies of their prized possessions. However, recently, farmers who allowed inter-animal marriages on their farms are said to be ‘a touch confused’ as to whether they should turn a blind eye to eloping livestock.
Pat Sweeney, 67, who blissfully admitted to housing gay pigs, sheep and bulls without much thought, revealed he wants to hear the Church’s take on the whole issue of same-sex animal marriage before any more ceremonies are carried out:
“It’s probably not a well-known aspect to farming. We’ve been marrying animals for a laugh for as long as I can remember as did my father and his father before him. Tuxedos, veils, music, confetti, the lot. It adds a bit of spice to the otherwise monotonous routine of farm work. This whole cake stuff and the vote down south has made us a bit more aware of our religious obligations. The Vatican needs to address this issue now.”
Sweeney estimated that one in every three animals he owns is gay although revealed that lesbian tendancies don’t appear to be as strong in sows and ewes.
Fr Lionel Lawless announced this morning he is to fly to Rome immediately to get an answer to what he calls ‘a confusing handlin’.
“We’re not really sure where we stand on this one to be honest. But if it’s decided that same-sex animal marriage is not permitted, we’ll also be asking farmers to reveal the homosexual animals in their care so that people know what they’re eating.”
Farmers in East Tyrone have re-enforced their stance that gay and lesbian animals are welcome on their fields no matter what the Church decides and that they’re secured the services of a rebel priest who’ll perform same-sex animal marriages in broad daylight.
Tyrone Tribulations 