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Teachers’ Christmas “Shopping Day” Off School Done Online, In Their Pyjamas

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Mrs Morgan, shopping

Education authorities have asked schools to rethink their policy of offering teachers a ‘shopping day’ off school in December after it emerged that only 1% of staff in a mid-Ulster school actually visited a real shop, opting for the virtual equivalent on their school iPads in bed. 

The shopping day, which excuses members of staff from normal teaching duties for a full day, has been in operation in many schools since the 1980s. However, with the dawn of Internet shopping, the idea is perceived by the general public as being archaic and pointless with many teachers combining their job with Christmas shopping anyway on a daily basis.

One teacher, who wishes to remain anonymous, revealed:

“Sure half the staff do their Christmas shopping in the classrooms anyway by just telling the pupils to read on another chapter whilst tilting their screens for privacy. There are 55 teachers in my school and I only know of one who actually went to a shop, and that was to get bread and milk. It’s a farce.”

Cookstown butcher Harry Stales fumed:

“Bloody teachers. They’re not content with getting home at 4pm every day, 2 months off in the summer as well as a fortnight here and there. Now they’re allowed to get off to visit Argos. It’s a disgrace and enough to stop me paying my taxes for those wasters. Not one of them could dig a hole.”

The Northern Ireland Education Authority maintain they know nothing about a ‘shopping day’ rule and have advised schools to cease the practice if it actually does exist.

Bold Plan To Bring Formula 1 Racing To Dungannon In 2015

Artist's impression of F1 in White City

Artist’s impression of F1 in White City

By Staff Reporter Shengas McGlumphieshengas

Dungannon unveiled its plans yesterday to bring Formula 1 motor racing to Dungannon in two years time, which if successful could bring £150m in ticket sales and associated merchandising into the area. The bid, led by local councillor and full-time delusionist Declan Brady, includes two options for the FIA, Formula 1’s governing body, to consider, the first of which is a Monaco-style course around the local streets of Dungannon.

“That was my idea” said Brady. “Why not do it like they do in Monaco and showcase the very best of Dungannon? It’ll start outside Argos in Ballygawley Road, up round to the hospital, past the roundabout with the big butterflies, and down Scotch Street. Having said that Monaco must be a quiet wee town. There’s never any other cars around during the racing. Scotch Street is always heaving at the weekend so them racer boys would have to take it handy during Saturday qualifying”.

The second option is for the course to be run around the Tesco car park.

“They can use the Ulsterbus depot across the road for the pit stops. I’m sure the bus drivers would lend a few car jacks and spanners to help out. We’ve already proved we have the infrastructure in County Tyrone to do this. Did you see the ‘Thrills in the Hills’ go-karting in Pomeroy last year? Class. Wait till Bernie Eccleston reads that in the bid. Formula 1 is really just the same, only noisier”, claimed Brady.

The committee has laid out a detailed proposal which includes:

  • Recruiting starting grid ‘dolly birds’ from the Granville community centre Zumba class that’s held on a Tuesday night
  • Widening the Blackwater to allow drivers to sail their super yachts up into Dungannon Park lake
  • Asking Newell Stores to give 10% off sandwiches for all racing teams
  • Converting the roof of Sainsbury’s into a helipad
  • Free car wash for all race cars
  • Flattening out all the hills in Dungannon

The 5 page bid was sent last night by fax to Kwik Fit, with the request it be forwarded to Bernie Eccleston.

paul g moss

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