Artist’s crude impression of how Bungle may look

BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Residents in the Benburb area were warned by PSNI last night to stay indoors whilst they search for a bear which has escaped and is currently on the loose, believed to be somewhere near Donnelly’s Hill.

The bear, which is understood to have been once-domesticated by its owner, Englishman Geoffrey Hayes, answers to the name of ‘Bungle’, and is said to be dangerous.

A spokesman for the PSNI, Sean Robertson, said,

“This animal has a distinctive look about him. He has a bit of a squashed-up face and apparently is really really feckin’ clumsy, so if people are out searchin’ that’s what to look out for. Plus the fact he’s a 6-foot tall bear. That should help”.

Animal-handler Hayes, wearing a brightly coloured jumper and gripping an electric cattle prod, lamented,

“He used to be a lovable bear, slightly slow on the uptake, but then sometimes aren’t we all?” he said. “He even made some appearances on television back in the day. But he’s now over 40 years of age and he can get sometimes get a wee touch irritable. Especially with 4,000 volts up him”.

The hunt has produced a number of eager bounty hunters from the area who believe there may be a reward available.

“I’m told he looks like that big fierce Chewbaccy fecker out of Star Trek”, maintained Gerry McGee, a part-time soap dispenser from Brocagh. “One of thon police boys said there’s a bounty on its head. I didn’t realise bears even liked chocolate. Still, I’m going to bag it, once I’ve dusted down thon Armalite rifle that I don’t have hidden out in the back shed along with the ammunition that doesn’t exist. Ye boy ye”.

The search continued for most of yesterday evening, and included three companions of Hayes’, Freddy, Jane and Rod, all singers and dancers from out of the area. The search was called off for the evening after the three unaccountably broke into a song about puddles.

Concern for the safety of residents increased after the bear reportedly attacked a small hippopotamus which, owing to a virtually unheard-of pigmentation defect, was entirely pink.

It is believed Hayes and the bear were staying in temporary accommodation in the county after travelling to Ardboe area, having apparently mistaken it for another place called ’Rainbow’, before the bear escaped.