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Accusations Of Witchcraft After First Double-Decker Drives Through Coalisland. Driver chased.
Friends and family of the driver of a double-decker are concerned for his safety after his bus was stopped in Coalisland after locals accused him of some kind of dark wizardry. He was last seen fleeing towards Brackaville on foot as the bus was ransacked and the wheels stolen. A local priest was also called to bless the bus to free it from any evil spirits.
Although locals had seen double-deckers on the TV as well as on trips to Belfast and Craigavon, the sight of the two-tiered bus left many in the town, especially the elderly, on their knees praying and openly wailing as it approached the main street.
Local hardman and watcher of the roundabout, Micky O’Neill, fumed:
“Getting the roundabout was something that took a long time to accept. If they think they can start using double-deckers in our town, they’ve another thing coming. We’re not pagans. That driver will be burned at the stake if he appears again. On another note, we invite all residents to attend The Burning Of The Bus tomorrow after normal Mass. It should only take four hours to burn it to the ground.”
Coalisland has a proud history of resisting change and it was recently discovered that over 80% of the town still use cassette tapes.
Would-Be Airline Pilot Sacked As Moy School Bus Driver Two Days Into The Job
Sort of like this
BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE
A frustrated school bus driver who failed to qualify as a commercial airline pilot has been sacked from his school bus driving job after only two days.
Barney ‘Doors to Manual’ Corrigan was told by the Dungannon Education Authority on Tuesday evening not to return to his post after repeatedly compromising the safety and security of the passengers in his care, most of whom were pupils at Clonless Primary School near the Moy.
Sacked only two days after pupils returned to school at the start of this week, Corrigan confessed to driving at speeds over 80 mph, but offered no explanation for the dangerous and erratic behaviour.
“I know what the bollix was trying to do. He was trying to take off, that’s what”, said irate mother-of-two Sheila Donegan. “Some of them roads is fine for 80 miles an hour, but Jaysus, he was doin’ it going up the feckin’ school driveway. The kids were terrified. It was like that fillum with Keanu Reeves and the bus. What was it? Edward Scissorhands? And my cub said that he kept giving out weather reports and estimated time of arrival. What’s that about? The school’s less than two miles away. If it’s pissin’ with rain here, it’ll be pissin’ with rain there”.
Defending his position, Corrigan said,
“I was just trying to get everyone to school quickly like. You try driving a bus with that lot on it. It was cat. My ears are still ringing from the screams of terror. On Tuesday I had one of them blubbin’ his head off because he was havin’ to go back to school, and then he went and soiled himself. And that was one of the teachers. The weeans were worse. How am I supposed to drive down the runway with that going on? Road. I meant road”.
The pupils also alleged that Corrigan told them it was a ‘no-frills’ bus and charged them 10 pence each for their own packed lunches. Corrigan has since demanded back from the school his two ping pong bats that he insisted the headmaster use to guide his bus into its parking space.
Tyrone Tribulations 