Blog Archives
First Country & Western GCSE ‘Going Well’ in Dungannon Tech
Ireland’s first Country and Western GCSE qualification has got off to a good start says officials at the prestigious Dungannon Tech in South Tyrone, with all 14 students passing their first assessment with flying colours.
The first module, which covers topics such as analysing and devising lyrics to do with losing your girlfriend/boyfriend to a rival, and how to dress country style, was assessed last week with all but one student receiving 100% in their tests. The remaining student only received 88% after they mistakenly wrote down that black shoes go well with jeans.
Teacher Malachi Cushling added:
“The students already had a sound knowledge of Hugo, Philomena, and the American greats like Tammy Wynette and Willie Nelson. We even had a country disco last week to celebrate the results, although that had to be cut short after one of the students got his pointy shoe caught in a grill in the middle of the floor. They were all bleary-eyed on Monday morning, having watched the Late Late Show Country Special flat out all day Sunday.”
Next month’s modules include ‘Cowboy electricians are not musicians‘ and ‘Hank Williams is no Nathan Carter‘.
Hugo Duncan Leaves Big Brother House Successfully Without Detection. Family Worried.
Hugo, years ago
Hugo Duncan’s elaborate plan to evade detection in the Celebrity Big Brother house has worked successfully after he was voted out by the public last night.
As we revealed weeks ago, the Man from Strabane entered the house under the radar, pretending to be a boxing promoter called Frank Maloney who had changed gender to become Kellie Maloney. The elaborately difficult strategy was pulled off to perfection with Hugo never once slipping back into skiddily dee mode or saying anything in a Strabanese accent.
Friends and family, who have yet to see Hugo after he slipped off into the London night with his new family, are said to be extremely proud of the Radio Ulster man. A cousin, Hugh Duncan, did sound a couple of warnings for the coming weeks:
“Whilst we’re delighted he pulled off this stunt without fault, we’re a bit perturbed that he went off with Maloney’s family to a few dodgy nightclubs in London Town. They seem to think that Hugo really is their father who has become a woman. We sort of need the real Frank Maloney to come forward, or sorry, Kellie Maloney. It’s just all deadly confusing now.”
Another full cousin Hughie Duncan is worried his blood relative might be seduced by the new lifestyle:
“I thought I detected a level of comfort in Hugh after about the third week. I just have a niggling feeling he’s enjoying the anonymity of being Frank Maloney being Kellie Maloney as well as the skirts. I just hope the penny drops some day when county music comes on the radio and he starts skiddily deeing and eating buns. COME HOME HUGO.”
Strabane Borough Council have postponed their Welcome Back Kellie/Frank/Hugo party for the foreseeable future.
Tyrone Tribulations 