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Fintona Man Wrecks Paint Section In Homebase In Case Of Lockdown

A Fintona man has admitted to sabotaging the paint section in Homebase in Cookstown in case he’s asked to paint more things by his wife if there was another lockdown.

Henry McCague (49) confirmed he destroyed three aisles of paint and painting accessories in the store when no one was looking on Sunday morning after his wife suggested the previous day that another lockdown cannot be ruled out whilst eyeing up another fence.

“Think I’m going to paint another thing this year? Like fcuk I will. I apologise to Homebase for the £45’000 of damage but I’d do it again. Though I do regret threatening to shove a Ronseal Fence Life Brush up that young worker’s posterior. There was no need for that.”

McCague was arrested but released after his wife admitted to winding him up by criticising his previous painting efforts that morning.

Meanwhile, toilet roll firm Andrex have conveyed disappointment that panic buying is not at the same level as earlier in the year and hopes people develop explosive diarrhea as a result.

Harte Given 2 More Years As Brocagh Applicant Messes Up Practical

How Cavanagh May Have Appeared Under McGorry

How Cavanagh May Have Appeared Under McGorry

Mickey Harte has been offered another two years at the helm of the Tyrone Senior football team despite a brave but ultimately disastrous bid for the job by Brocagh man Charlie McGorry.

McGorry (61), who started showing an interest in GAA after watching the Dublin/Fermanagh quarter-final in August, was told he did not need to turn up for the interview part of the process following a calamitous practical when he was asked to take the senior panel for one coaching session up in the Garvaghey complex.

A member of the squad, who wished to remain anonymous, explained:

“It was a shambles. The county board told him to bring his own bibs and cones. Didn’t he turn up with bibs you’d put on a child and a packet of ice-cream cones. It was obvious that this man had never kicked a ball in his life.”

Things went from bad to worse when he produced from his bag a Black & Decker 18V Ni-Cad Cordless Drill Driver from Homebase, telling the players that he had been instructed to do some drills.

“It was at this point that we realised Mickey was safe for another while. I wouldn’t let this eejit train an under-8 side. He even brought us crisps for afterwards and they were all McCoy’s Salt and Vinegar. Mickey never gets us Salt and Vinegar as he says they’re fattening. He brings ready-salted Weightwatcher’s crisps.”

Meanwhile, Gavin Devlin has denied prepping McGorry for the job and therefore purposely sabotaging his chances of usurping Harte.

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