Castlederg, outside Deeney’s house

By Sheangas McGlumphie

A Castlederg man who spent a weekend on holiday in New York returned to his home in Kilclean Road with a virtually incomprehensible American accent, much to the annoyance of his friends and family. 24 year old Brendan Deeney went out to join his brother Declan who lives in Bayridge, Brooklyn, to help his brother celebrate his stag weekend in Manhattan, New York City, over three days. He returned on Monday with what appeared to be a strong American accent.

“Aw men, what accent?” asked a puzzled Deeney. “Seriously, what is it with these guys? I got home Saturday from an awesome time with my bro in NY. I mean, it was a cool party an’ all, but then as soon as I got back my mom was on my case from the get-go. I mean, enough already”.

“He’s a feckin’ idiot” said his mother, Aileen Deeney, clearly irritated by the whole episode.

“He’s never been further than the other side of Enniskillen, and now he’s waltzing around the place like he’s Tom Cruise or Van Morrison or Bill Gates or something. He came down from his room on Tuesday saying he wanted a bag of ‘potato chips’. Potato chips! I’ll give him feckin’ potato chips all right, right in his feckin’ American piehole”.

Deeney confirmed his mother had appeared unhappy with his behaviour.

“Yeah, mom was freakin’ out and I was like, ‘hey mom, that’s totally not cool’, but she was like ‘talk to the hand’. I mean seriously”.

Deeney fared no better when spending the following Saturday evening with his friends in McHale’s pub in Castlederg.

“I went out to the bar to hang out and shoot the breeze with my homies and it was even worse, can you believe that shit? I went to the john and when I came back they were all laughing an’ all an’ takin’ the crap out of me. These guys really got on my tooshie. What’s changed? Nuthin’s changed. I’m still the same Joe Blow I always was”.

Deeney said that he intends to go with his friends to the “soccer next Saturday but might take a rain check”. His friends have confirmed that if he still has the accent by this weekend they will “kick his ass all the way to Fintona. Period”.