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Clonoe O’Rahilly’s Launch Audacious Bid To Host Euro 2028 Games With New Stand
The DUP has reacted furiously to the possibility that a match between Germany and France may be played in the heartland of East Tyrone at a ground commemorating Michael Joseph O’Rahilly. It is also believed that Casement Park officials are also irked at the development.
Clonoe GAC, who this week launched plans for a new 600-seater stadium, claim that the new building, coupled with loads of benches from local schools as well as a pile of ladders reaching to the roof of the clubrooms, could see the ground host games such as Latvia v Moldova or Wales v Montenegro.
Club spokesman Henry ‘the milkman’ McCann explained:
“‘Think big’ McCabe told us. So we’ve an entourage of Mansells, Corrs, Devlins, Taggarts and Campbells heading to Switzerland on Friday to pitch a bid for the Euros. We’ve also contacted the the agents of Britney Spears, Barry Manilow and Gary Barlow to see if they’d be interested in doing a concert here. Next year we will make Elon Musk an offer to launch a rocket on Lough Neagh that can be watched from the new stand.”
The DUP are said to be furious at the possibility that O’Rahilly will be celebrated across the planet.
“We’d rather Casement. At least he was called Roger”
claimed a farmer from Magherafelt.
A Casement Social Club drinker said their eyes were being wiped by Clonoe.
Coalisland Baker Refuses To Bake Clonoe Couple’s Wedding Cake
No cakes, please
A Coalisland baker is standing by his decision not to bake a cake for a Clonoe couple, who are due to tie the knot in May 2016, citing irreparable sporting differences.
Locally known as James the Baker, the 48 year old business man maintains he’s prepared to go to the European Courts to defend his decision not to bake a cake with the iconic Clonoe black and white colours on the icing as well as a figurine on top of Kevin McCabe scoring a point in the All-Ireland final in 1986.
The devastated Clonoe couple, Paul Corr and Mary Quinn, have contacted a local solicitor to take the case as far as it can go. Corr, who once held the national record for hedge jumping, added:
“He’s some boy. Everyone knows James the Baker is the best baker in the land but he has gone down in my estimation now. I know he’s baked cakes for Stewartstown, Kildress, Omagh and even Dungannon couples…but not for his close neighbours in Clonoe? He can take it as gospel that no Clonoe man nor woman will set foot in his damned shop again. See you in court, James, ye Fianna hoor.”
James Tennyson, whose buns have been known to make people cry with happiness such is their deliciousness, remains defiant:
“My da would turn in his grave if he thought I was donning my cakes with the cursed black and white (spits) of Clonoe. I defend my right to bake my cakes on my terms. Feck the O’Rahilly’s. Yeeooo.”
Local politicians have decided to stay well clear of the issue in the run up to the up-coming elections.
Tyrone Tribulations 