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Petrol Pumps Now Sucking Fuel OUT Of Cars, Say Customers

Several filling stations are being investigated this morning after customers complained of having less fuel in their tanks leaving the pumps than they had before they arrived.

Service stations across the county were inundated with complaints, with one punter from Auchnacloy claiming he had 88 miles on the clock when he arrived but left the forecourt with only 80 miles on it after sticking a tenner of diesel into his 1998 Nissan.

Johnny Campbell explained:

“I couldn’t believe it. I’ve to drive from Aughnacloy to Dungannon and back today so wanted to stick a tenner in to get the gauge over 100 miles. I couldn’t believe it when I drove off to find out the pump had actually sucked diesel out of the motor. I could even hear the sucking sounds at the time but thought it was just a new system they were using. Shower of robbing hoors.”

All of the main fuel companies have denied sucking the diesel and petrol out of vehicles but warned customers that they wouldn’t rule it out down the line.

Anger In Augher As Man Fixes Hair In Car At Petrol Pump After Paying

There was an acute sense of anger in Augher last night after a customer spend nearly two minutes fixing his hair at a petrol pump after paying despite two cars waiting for a free pump.

The man, who was described as ‘local’, even hoked about under his seat for probably a 50p or even less before slowly pulling out after he carefully put his seat belt on and messed around with the windscreen wipers.

Collie McKenna, who waited for nearly SIX minutes watching the customer fill his tank, go in to pay and then groom himself, fumed:

“I totally lost it and started banging my steering well. He was ruffling away at his hair in the driver’s vanity mirror before he even turned the ignition and I’m sure he could see me flashing my lights and giving him the middle finger. This is what society has come to. “

Garage owner Danny Hillock has vowed to look into the matter but warned McKenna that his subsequent behaviour in the garage was unacceptable, wrecking the wheaten bread section as he walked in, in bad temper.

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