A 45-year old car mechanic from Carrickmore was today said to be disconsolate and despondent after being ignored or ridiculed all weekend as it emerged he attended a live performance of an Italian pianist in Belfast.
Malachy McCallan, who only went because there was a free ticket going, let the cat out of the bag when he was tagged in a Facebook comment by his posh cousin in Donaghmore. Responding to his cousin’s Facebook status update ‘Having a great time at the Waterfront watching Ludovico Einaudi‘, McCallan wrote ‘Aye, he’s quare and good on the pianer‘ for which he received dog’s abuse from his family and friends.
His father, John, was adamant that it was his mother’s side of the family he took this interest from:
“Who the feck does he think he is? None of my ancestors were into that stuff. Her family come from Down somewhere so that might explain that. He’s some bollocks though.”
Brother in law Peter Cammel, a speed-plasterer, added to the chorus of discontent:
“Does he think he’s all it now? Swanning about there listening to pianer music and stuff. There’s a name for boys like that around here.”
Malachy tried to make amends last night by wearing a Gareth Brooks hoodie to mass and listening to ACDC with his windows down but to no avail. During his sermon, Fr Kelly remarked:
“People need to remember where they come from and not get above themselves like Judas did. What McCallan did was very close to adultery.”
McCallan has vowed to refuse any free tickets in future unless they involved country, heavy metal or local traditional talent.