Hugo

BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Unconfirmed rumours continued to spread yesterday that Colin Farrell has signed up to play the part of Hugo Duncan in a Hollywood biopic about the wee man from Strabane.

Self-appointed publicist and unofficial theatrical agent Fergal McCaffrey from Ballinderry said,

“We just about had Tom Cruise lined up see, because Tom’s a wee fella just like Hugo. But then we told him about Hugo’s 70s band ‘The Tall Men’, and he started getting cold feet. It was probably the thought of having to wear draughty built-up shoes. And he was getting all uppity, wanting to play Hugo with an American accent and changing his occupation from deadly singer to deadly assassin, which is stretching the truth a bit. The final straw came when he wanted the name of the character changed from Uncle Hugo to Godfather Hugo, and play him as this sort of evil character dispensing despair and misery wherever he goes. Jays, I know Hugo’s recorded a few dodgy tracks but that’s going a bit far. Some clift thon Tom Cruise. Although he was great in ‘Forrest Gump”.

He continued,

“Colin Farrell said he’d do it straight away. If he hadn’t accepted then we still had a couple of other options, although casting one of the Jedwards as Hugo would have needed an awful lot of make-up”.

Comments from sources close to Farrell in Dublin suggested that the critically-acclaimed Dublin-born actor jumped at the part and was eager to get into character as soon as possible, although it is believed he may have got Hugo Duncan mixed up with Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant billionaire and creator of the Playboy empire.

Farrell

If made, the gritty movie is expected to be given an ‘18’ adult certificate, as it is likely to contain original footage of Duncan dressed up as Britney Spears for the BBC’s 2006 Children in Need.

“Aye, this is going to be a no-holds-barred movie, the good the bad and the ugly”, said McCaffrey. “I’ve watched that Children in Need tape. The audience are going to need a strong stomach boys. And I thought ‘The Exorcist’ was bad”.

Entitled, ‘A Good Day To Die Diddly’, the movie is set to chart the rise of Duncan throughout his career as singer and performer, as well as his radio and television career.

“This stuff is dynamite”, said an excited McCaffrey. “It’ll be almost identical to that Robbie Williams film ‘Good Morning Vietnam’ except without the guns, explosions, politics, war, fights, planes, uniforms and scenery.  Think ‘Cocoon’ but with music and dancing and suchlike. Mighty”.

As at last night, there were further rumours that Sandra Bullock was in talks to play the part of Lynette Fay.