Posted by Gombeen
Due to recent media reports of PSNI officials speeding in their work motors, a police car was unable to catch a man suspected of using agricultural diesel in his Ford Mondeo for over four hours around the Tamnamore Roundabout.
The Police Service of Northern Ireland have come under fire recently after it emerged that hundreds of their vehicles have been caught speeding over the last 24 months. In the aftermath of the report, police cars have been under strict orders to observe normal speeding restrictions no matter what incident they are attending to.
Gary Grant, a strawberry vendor near the roundabout, explained what he saw unfold yesterday:
“I saw the Mondeo approach the roundabout with a police car behind it flashing its lights and sounding the siren. Adhering to roundabout etiquette, the cops kept to the 30mph limit whilst the Mondeo hovered around 30-32 mph, depending on how close the cop car got to it. This went on for four hours. The man in the Mondeo even ordered three pallets of strawberries during the ordeal which I threw through his window.”
The Mondeo finally sped off down the M1 after the PSNI vehicle made a move towards the service station to top up on fuel.
Police HQ refused to comment on the incident but admitted to infiltrating the new social media site set up by drivers to warn other motorists of diesel dippers in the area. Posting as ‘Cooking Oil Expert’, a media-savvy police official befriended several dipper dodgers, one of whom being the suspected Mondeo driver.
‘Mondeo Lover’ recently posted a message on the site saying “ring a ring ‘o roses, ye boy ye” – a direct taunt to his pursuer on the roundabout.
Posted by Gombeen
Despite confident predictions that his social media rival to Twitter would reach four million members in the first week, Eskra computer guru Francey Taggart admitted the uptake of ‘Slabber’ was not as successful as he had imagined.
A week after its launch at a dinner dance in Kelly’s Inn, only three people had permanently signed up to the new service and were “slabbering” regularly – Taggart himself, his cousin in Kildress and a man from Plumbridge. Slabber is a simple social network where people share thoughts with a limit of two words set on all posts. It seems that these restrictions may have been slightly off-putting for potential users.
Kitty Horridge, a fiddle fixer from Fintona, tried the new platform for three hours:
“It’ll never take off. I know we’re known for not saying much around these parts but this is taking the biscuit. I wanted to tell people that I was having a bad day. All I could slabber was – ‘Annoyed. Me.’ Someone slabbered back – ‘Hope. Well.’ I said ‘OK. Soon’. She said ‘what. meet?’ I said ‘No. No’. She slabbered ‘Hateful. Bitch.’ It was all just too confusing. We’ve now fallen out over a slabbering misunderstanding because of this buckin yoke.”
Taggart maintains it’s early days and still predicts he’ll be a multi-millionare by Christmas.
“People are quick to judge in these parts. OK, there have been some teething problems like the fella who evacuated the whole of Omagh when he slabbered ‘Omagh. Smoking.’ The PSNI were too trigger-happy and cordoned off all roads. All the lad was saying was he was having a cigarette around the back of Sally’s. Give it time. The lad from Plumbridge is some craic. He slabbered a joke yesterday ‘Chicken. Glue.’ Jaysus I laughed for hours…hen crossed the road because he was glued to the back of a chicken I was thinking. That’s the beauty of Slabber. It can be what you want.”
So far only one celebrity has momentarily signed up. Hugo Duncan slabbered “Diddily. Uncle’.