Row Brewing Over Stewartstown Christmas Lights

Stewartstown’s latest acquisition?

The annual turning on of the Stewartstown lights, a highlight in the calendar for many in the whole of Ireland, has descended into a mire of allegations and threats which has left the chance of the extravaganza ever happening doubtful. Previous years has witnessed stars such as Malachi Cush, the Stewartstown Credit Union Manager, Pat the lollypop man, an extra from Titanic, Tommy Corr, Dennis Taylor, Ronan McSherry, Dolly Parton, Jimmy Cricket, a Powerscreen executive and Miss Stewartstown Wrangler Jeans 1977 amongst others turn on the lights. Next week, as in other years, a vote was to be taken between the Christmas Committee members as to who would do the honours in 2012.

“It is a farce. Everyone knew there was a smear campaign against Fergal Logan who was the people’s favourite this year. Fergal has been representing Stewartstown on the national stage for years now through is daring high catches on the field to getting lads off big bans in the court room. He’s an adonis around here. All the wemen are mad about him. We had a fair idea that a group of businessmen wanted a boy who works for that lingerie company Ann Summers to turn on the lights as well as half the men and women. They have this idea that an Ann Summers shop in Stewartstown would be a real goer because of the rampant nature of people in the local area.”

Unfounded rumours began to circulate a month ago that Logan had been spraying random juvenile graffiti around the area about rap stars like Tinie Tempah, Eminem and Vanilla Ice as well as things like ‘We Want Knickers’,  ‘I Like Bras’, ‘The Ridin Capital Of Ireland’ and ‘Dickheads do the Double’, an area very close to the hearts of Stewartstown locals. It is also well known that rap music is detested in the area in favour of hip-hop.

“It’s obvious that this was a smear campaign by the Ann Summers campaigners. There’s no way Logan would use the word knickers. Cacks or lady-trunks maybe. Not knickers. And Logan hates Tinie Tempah. He’s more of a Labyrinth man. Fergal would never criticise those signing on whilst working away. Sure they’re his best clients. No, this is an attempt by the Ann Summers shower to gain favour.”

The ‘Ann Summers For Stewartstown’ movement refuted the allegation of a smear campaign whilst reiterating how frisky the locals are, even in the middle of the week.

 

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on November 14, 2012, in Stewartstown and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

SHINE OF A LUCID BEING

Astral Lucid Music - Philosophy On Life, The Universe And Everything...

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and a printable recipe card.

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: