Sean The Red Boy yesterday

One of Tattyreagh’s most colourful characters, Sean The Red Boy, has called on people in the parish to use his proper name when he eventually finds out what it is. In a move to improve their chances of getting a good job in politics or civil service, others have followed  suit including Gerard Soupy Campbell, Seamus The Yellow Fellow, Tom’s Damien and Ramblin Henry. In a statement to be read out at Mass on Sunday in six neighbouring parishes as well as their own, forty-nine signatories have ratified the move for formal recognition of the birth names and the eradication of tradition family nicknames. Sean The Red Boy explains further:

“I’m buckin sick and tired of it y’know. There are times I go into the job office and I don’t get past the introduction stage. As soon as I say I’m Sean The Red Boy, they thank me for turning up and that they’ll be in touch. My father, Hugh The Red Boy, had the same problem in Tattyreagh and never worked a day in his life because of it apart from the odd bit of help he gave to farmers with horses stuck in ditches. As soon as I find out what my real surname is I’ll be using it. I checked the census and even in 1911 my great grandfather wrote ‘X the Red Boy’. He was aware of his nickname but not his first nor surname. It has to stop. All them Soupy Campbells are the same. Gerard Soupy says he got serious slagging in school with lads filling his schoolbag with lentils and leeks. It stops now.”

Tattyreagh Historical Society Chairman, John ‘The Baker’ King, rebuked this initiative and claimed it’ll take more than a few whiners to changes the ways of the area that they’ve held dear for generations.

“Sean The Red Boy would need to wise the head. He’ll always be one of the Red Boys in the same way as Francie The Cock up the road will remain one of the Cocks. And sure hasn’t he a great job picking blackberries for Mrs Turner from Omagh in the summer. You can succeed with a nickname. Look at me. I’m chairman of this committee, doing The Bakers proud. OK, I do nothing else but I’m not moaning about it.”

Meanwhile, Seamus The Yellow Fellow has threatened blow the head clean off anyone who calls him or his sons one of The Yellow Fellows from now on, or even if he hears about it. The PSNI have appealed for calm.