Benburb Man Develops ‘Craic Index’ iPhone App

Reported Benburb inventor

Reported Benburb inventor

shengasBy Staff Reporter Shengas McGlumphie

Local man Francis Hagan from Benburb held a press conference yesterday to launch a new iPhone application that will put an end to tales of wildly exaggerated nights out.

 “People were doing my head in saying that the craic was 90 when I knew damn well it was nothing of the sort. That’s when I had my Eureka moment. Why not develop an app that proves what the craic was really like? See, there’s only ever been one level and that’s 90. That’s where my app comes in – if it says that the craic in the pub last night was 30, let’s not beat around the bush. It means it was shite. Nice and simple”.

Once activated the app detects the level of laughter, hysteria, sobbing, fighting and so on in the immediate vicinity, which it then converts into an index, based approximately on the following:

Quality of Craic

App

‘Craic Index’

Tara

“The craic’s 10”

Cat

“The craic’s 20”

Hames

“The craic’s 30”

Handy

“The craic’s 40”

Quare

“The craic’s 50”

Grand

“The craic’s 60”

Mighty

“The craic’s 70”

Class

“The craic’s 80”

Deadly

“The craic’s 90”

Hagan expects to refine the index further still.

“If some boyo were to say to you that the craic was 70.32 last night, you’ll know exactly what it was like, dead vivid and everything. Almost like you were there”. He admits the app needs more testing. “I tried to produce a result where the craic was 100. Jaysus. The house nearly disappeared into a parallel universe. It’s an impossibility due to a scientific paradox or something. These are unchartered waters I’m sailing in. You can’t mess with the natural order of things. Craic can’t be higher than 90. It just can’t. I won’t try that again. I might get sucked into a buckin black hole”.

Hagan says that other apps are in development, including a ‘Foundered Index’ for how cold someone is, and a ‘Bottle Index’ for how slippery roads are.

The current app will cost £1.99. Journalists who were given it to test reported that the craic at the press conference was 20.

Advertisements

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on April 30, 2013, in Benburb and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

My Journey:

Me and my daughters journey with a GATA2 deficiency, myelodysplasia, a bone marrow transplant and beyond..............

Amber, Like the Traffic Light

Twenty-something, dog obsessed, book-binging gal

Minimal Belle

Creative, mindful & compassionate living

Blog about Mexico's Must Have Seen

Playa del Carmen, Tulum, Cancun, Riviera Maya, Cenotes, Sian Ka'an, Cozumel, Bacalar, Mahahual, Monterrey...

Blogger, interrupted...

“since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that, or even haunting certain places, after death. Perhaps - perhaps.”

Simplify Your English Blog

Put Your Thoughts into Words Better

Anroworld

The only thing better than curling up with a good book to read is sitting down at the computer with a good story to film!

SteveInVancouver

Just another WordPress.com site

%d bloggers like this: