BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Dungannon and South Tyrone Council last night announced that it is down to its last Bic pen, and that there will be no more available until the end of the fiscal year in 2014.

“To be honest we made a hames of it” said an embarrassed source in the Council’s procurement team. “The budget gets allocated every April for stationery and stuff, but we got so excited about ordering some iPads that we forgot to put the order in for pens. It’s too late now. All the money’s spent”.

Councillor Enda McMann confirmed that all Council staff will have to go for the next ten months without pens.

“Staff have volunteered to bring in their own pens from home but obviously we can’t allow that under the Data Protection Act. We can’t have non-Council pens used for writing down sensitive information. That would be dangerous. And illegal. Probably”.

Staff are now trying to use other items at their disposal, including the dregs of paint from the make-over given to Council offices in May ‘in case Obama popped in after the G8’. The most popular alternative has been using crayons left over by councillors at their frequent brain-storming sessions.

McMann said, “Official minutes from council meetings will no longer be recorded although to be honest we usually forgot to take notes anyway. And how are we supposed to fill out expenses forms if we have nothing to write with? It’s a logistical nightmare”.

The Council agreed last night at a crisis meeting to issue a tender to outsource the supply of pens by appointing a sub-contractor, a move likely to cost the taxpayer in the region of £3 million. “In a strange way it probably makes sense” admitted McMann, “because we can use them to get paper for the printing machines. We forgot to order that too”. The tender process will take approximately 12 months.