Worrying Increase In Straight ‘A’ Students. County On Amber Alert

child prodigy in meditations at chalkboard

shengasBY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Following last Thursday’s news of a Loughmacrory A Level student being discovered with 3 A* grades, three more men across the county have been found with similar qualifications in their GCSEs. Police authorities have placed the county on alert level ‘Amber’, and have warned residents to brace themselves for the discovery of further smart arsed lads.

DI Sean Robertson of the PSNI said,

“We’re not sure if they’re all part of a cell, or a ‘brain cell’ as we’re calling it. At present the evidence points to this being true, as they all appear to have a fondness for Dickens and a common understanding of simultaneous equations. It’s a sad day for the county. Who’d have thought there might have been a brain cell around these parts? We’ve always had intelligent women but smart Tyrone boys were a thing for fantasy books”.

56 year old Deirdre McConnell, a part-time chapel-attender from Eskra, was a neighbour of one of the accused men, 16 year old Desmond Coyle.

“Sure, Dessie always kept himself to himself. Quiet wee lad growing up. I remember hearing talk that he was a prodigy, that he could use a knife and fork by the time he was twelve and put on his own socks at fifteen, but people say things in spite. I suppose looking back the writing was on the wall by that stage. There were rumours that he was once caught with a girlie magazine with ‘Wuthering Heights’ hidden inside. It makes me feel sick”.

Inspection of Coyle’s home last night discovered several incriminating documents under his bed, including the Ulster Herald, three copies of The Economist, and an old edition of ‘Juno and the Paycock’. A geometry set and a dictionary were found at the homes of one of the other men. It is alleged that Coyle fully intended to use the grades to attempt to better himself, either in Belfast or possibly England.

Authorities are also investigating the sale of a scientific calculator in Omagh to see whether there may be a connection to the four men.

Meanwhile, a girl in Derrytresk who achieved what has been described as a ‘rake of A* grades’ is to have a rampart named after her.

Advertisements

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on August 22, 2013, in Derrytresk, Eskra, Loughmacrory, Omagh and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

University of York Careers

Developing your employability

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

My Journey:

Me and my daughters journey with a GATA2 deficiency, myelodysplasia, a bone marrow transplant and beyond..............

Minimal Belle

Simple, elegant and intentional living on a budget.

Blog about Mexico's Must Have Seen

Playa del Carmen, Tulum, Cancun, Riviera Maya, Cenotes, Sian Ka'an, Cozumel, Bacalar, Mahahual, Monterrey...

Blogger, interrupted...

“since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that, or even haunting certain places, after death. Perhaps - perhaps.”

Simplify Your English Blog

Put Your Thoughts into Words Better

Anroworld

The only thing better than curling up with a good book to read is sitting down at the computer with a good story to film!

SteveInVancouver

Just another WordPress.com site

That Football Analysis

A New Way of Discussing the Beautiful Game

Le Blog BlookUp

Imprimez et transformez vos contenus digitaux, blogs et réseaux sociaux, en magnifiques livres papier sur blookup.com

Brenners Mc Goo Blogger

Passionate about travel, adventures and exploration. Lover of the natural world... obsessed with natural cosmetics, growing your own and yoga!

%d bloggers like this: