Clear signs he was full

A still-inebriated binman, who admitted he had an ‘awful feed of stout’ the previous night, completely cleaned out three estates and 15 roadside bungalows in the greater Carrickmore area on Tuesday morning.

Gary McNally, 49, told police he was still ‘half-cut’ whilst binning benches, garden gnomes, children’s bicycles, scooters, prams, goal-posts, fences, hanging baskets and plants as well as the standard black bins, all before anyone was awake.

“Yes, I wasn’t thinking clear. I was still on a high after a great weekend and just threw everything not nailed down into the lorry. I remember having great trouble dismantling a 40-foot fence but even then it didn’t twig that I wasn’t thinking straight. It’s tarra that you can still be plastered hours later.”

The driver of the lorry, Leo McCrory, admitted he suspected something was up:

“I definitely remember thinking some estates looked different when exiting, like an awful lot barer. And Gary did seem to take a serious amount of time gathering bins. I should have been more alert. It was only when I caught him dragging a trampoline from someone’s garden up onto the pavement that I realised he was still full.”

Carrickmore District Council released a statement to relay their feelings of regret but confirmed they will only replace the black bins that were also crushed in the total wipeout. Sinn Fein’s Barry McElhuff admitted it may just be one of those things:

“It may just be one of those things. Some handlin.”