McKenna, in full flow

A Killyman teacher has declared he is definitely hanging up his chalk for the final time after announcing his 9th retirement in 9 years, much to the mirth of close friends and well-wishers from he local area.

Collie McKenna (68) was the guest of honour at the school’s end of term party in the canteen, just as he was back in 2013 when he announced his first retirement from St Ally’s Primary School in Killyman. Head teacher, and three-time retiree herself Mrs Hull, presented McKenna with a bottle of champagne and lead the singing of ‘Nine Green Bottles Sitting On The Wall’.

Mr McKenna told the assembled crowd:

“This is definitely it. I’ll not be back in September.”

before winking and smirking at the Board of Governors which sparked hysterical laughter and eye-throwing from parents and pupils.

“I’d like to thank the school for taking me back 8 times but I swear I won’t be hammering on these doors in two months. It’s time to let the young ones have a go at this teaching lark. Anyway, the redundancy package this year was the best yet. And I need to go to the toilet three times an hour now.”

Headmistress Hull announced that the job will be advertised in the Irish News next week but added that one of the essential qualifications includes at least 40 years experience in the primary school sector which again was greeted with more laughter, smirks and eye-throwing from well-wishers.

“I know we need to give young teachers a go, however it’s hard to beat experience”

to which a newly qualified teacher from the area replied with ‘bollocks to that yiz shower of gangsters” before storming off.

Sources confirmed that McKenna’s stuff is still sitting on his desk.