Well, are ye?

A hard-hitting door-to-door survey has confirmed that most prolific Facebookers’ lives are not as spectacularly perfect as previously portrayed, with many admitting they didn’t think the photo of their mate was ‘stunning’ despite categorically stating it was.

The survey, which was commission by Cynics Ireland, tailed over 400 Facebook users for three months by monitoring where users ‘checked in’ and sending a member out to confirm whether or not the poster was, indeed, having ‘a ball’. The study confirmed that a significant majority of posts which claimed ‘great times, great friends’ actually involved the supposed revellers talking quietly in corners, showing each other how many people liked or commented on their status update.

The most startling finding concerned the use of the adjective ‘stunning’ in the Facebook comments section. Under severe interrogation, an anonymous Facebooker told us:

“I’ll be honest. I only write ‘stunning’ in case I post a photo of meself soon after. You’d like to think they’d return the compliment so that I, in turn, can be all pleased with myself. The last ‘stunning’ I wrote was a blatant lie. It was the worst I’d seen our Mary look actually.”

79% of Facebookers also admitted to posting an obscure message about their supposed bad mood in order to receive at least three ‘U OK HUN?’ messages to make them appear mysterious and deep thinking. An Omagh Facebooker admitted:

“I have a whole jotter of cryptic updates such as ‘never again’ or ‘some people just don’t deserve my friendship’ just to get a bit of sympathy going or to keep myself talked about. It never fails to encourage a couple of ‘U OK’ or ‘Stay strong honey’ replies, especially if I don’t explain myself. Great for the oul self-esteem.”

Meanwhile, the study revealed Facebookers, on average, can’t stand the sight of 68% of their friends despite liking 91% of their comments.