Lisburn, not Portugal

A first pilgrimage to Fatima, north of Lisbon in Portugal, for St Gerard’s Parish in Gortin has been described as an ‘unsuccessful venture’ by parishioners after a rushed booking saw the 50-strong group land in a 2-star hotel in Lisburn for a full week.

The party arrived home last night after a two-hour journey on a Chambers Coach down the M1, disappointed at the overall religious experience although some of the contingent admitted that eating a piri-piri chicken burger at the Bad-Ass Burrito Bar in the centre of the town gave them some flavour of the Portuguese culture.

81-year old Dorothy McCann maintains she will try to take the positives out of the trip:

“At least we got to see the Shaun The Sheep movie at Lisburn Omniplex. It was funny. It didn’t quite heal my cataracts which I’d hoped praying in Fatima would do but all the same I laughed a quare bit and had a lovely pineapple Slush Puppy.”

Pilgrimage organiser Kevin Brennan accepted total blame for the mix-up and but refused any requests for a refund:

“I made the error, yes. I thought staying in Lisbon would be a great experience for the people of Gortin. I did find it surprising at the time when the travel agent said we could take the whole journey by bus. But Lisburn was good too. We took in a tour of Lisburn Methodist Church which was a highlight. It was well worth the money.”

Despite being laden with Euros, the parishioners were able to convert their spending money back into Sterling and spend seven days walking around Easons, Waterstones, Bow Street Mall and join the Aviation Society before travelling back to Gortin with tales galore.

A DVD of the Lisburn pilgrimage will be available on April 1st, retailing at £19.99.