Grimm (111)

Joe Grimm, who yesterday turned 111 making him the oldest Tyrone man since records began, maintains long life has nothing to do with food and fitness but is down to a succession of fine women as romantic companions.

Grimm, who was born in Pomeroy in 1904, reckons his best decade was the 1940s when local women were ‘coming out of themselves a wee bit more’ and ‘showing a bit more leg’.

“1947 was a great year for getting women. Gone were the long pleated dresses and square shoulders. In came the cocktail dresses and pencil skirts. It was a deadly time to be sitting on a wall in Pomeroy eating ice cream and gawking at the women heading out of Mass.”

Grimm advised today’s men to give up on lifting weights and running if they want to live a long and healthy life:

“That’s all a load of balls. I sees boys running down the road with water bottles and stuff. And these same boys would run a mile if a woman winked at them. Flirting and courting at least once a day is what keeps the ticker in good shape. I attempt to tackle a different woman every day and have done so since 1951. Maybe one in every forty tackles are successful but that’s good enough for me.”

Despite having experienced 22 restraining orders and 411 trips to Accident & Emergency for chatting up married women, Grimm revealed his favourite opening line that is sure to melt any woman’s heart in Tyrone:

“Did you just fart? ‘Cause you’re blowing me away”

Grimm added he also liked sausages, listening to birds and drinking.