Derrytresk Wannabe Chef Shocks Locals During MasterChef Appearance
Bonfires of lettuces littered the Derrytresk skyline this morning after local budding chef Jamsie McGarrell revealed the secret behind his succulent vegetables live on MasterChef on BBC2 last night.
The special episode, which was recorded live in London in front of an audience of 400 spectators, allowed contestants to bring in their own home-grown produce and make a signature dish.
McGarrell, who took first place with his ‘bacon and lettuce surprise‘, was heavily complimented on his wonderful vegetables, particularly his vibrant and ‘utterly memorable‘ lettuce, according to joint presenter Gregg Wallace.
When asked what the secret was to his outstanding quality of lettuce, McGarrell took a deep breath before adding:
“Pish. I pish on them at night.”
Filming was stopped and viewers were shown an old episode of Tom and Jerry as Wallace and co-presenter John Torode visited the men’s room due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’. A much paler Wallace emerged six minutes later to wrap up the live show.
Reaction in Derrytresk has been described as ‘confused’ as people were witnessed retching and vomiting in their gardens from last night until the early hours of the morning. Local wag and non-veg dieter Pete Campbell revealed he hasn’t laughed so much in a long time:
“McGarrell was making a mint selling his ‘Lovely Lettuce’ brand to nearly every house in the town land. People were mad for it and you’d even see men chewing on his lettuce whilst driving the motor or in Mass even. This is a turn-up for the books alright. I’m glad I just like the meat.”
McGarrell’s revelation explains away the three accusations of ‘indecent exposure’ in the last year which he managed to overturn by offering judge and jury free ‘lovely lettuces‘ for a year.