Row Over Who Has Biggest Graveyard Threatens To Overshadow Edendork Coalisland Semi-Final
Tyrone GAA officials have called for calm heads at O’Neill Park in Dungannon this weekend during the latest instalment of the deadly rivalry between near neighbours Coalisland and Edendork.
The appeal comes ahead of the senior semi-final, after a spate of rows broke out along the Coalisland Road this week over the size of their graveyards.
PSNI confirmed a ‘slapping session’ on the Bush Road junction and two ‘hammerings’ in Derryvale yesterday after hordes of Edendork lads arrived in Coalisland with photographic evidence of more than 4000 hidden graves in another adjoining field behind St Malachy’s Church.
The additional 4000 bodies would take Edendork to a figure which would see them overtake Coalisland by some 398 corpses.
Reports suggest that, drunk on pride, the Dork lads set about wrecking the ‘Island, chanting ‘we’ve more dead ones than you‘ and other stuff like that. Unconfirmed reports suggested that a plan to annex Landi’s was halted by authorities and two men wearing Fianna Bainisteoir hi-vis bibs.
Fr Ted Talbot, a Coalisland native now stationed in Uganda and famed graveyard historian, dismisses Edendork’s claims:
“It’s ridiculous. There’s no way the Dork have a bigger graveyard than us. They tried this carry on before an Intermediate quarter-final in the 70s between us when they said their bingo hall was bigger than our Parochial Centre. God forgive me, but they’re full of shite.”
Patrons attending this weekend’s match are advised not to bring any valuables to the ground as a spate of daylight robberies have blighted recent championship games.
In unrelated news, Edendork’s bid to have the oldest living man in Ireland awarded by the Guinness Book of Records was rejected earlier this week as their ruling-committee unsurprisingly decided that a 120 year old is not the same as two 60-year-old Hackett twins.