After a heated debate today during the Covid Assembly Hour at Stormont, most parties agreed that exclamations after the first sip of beer when bars open should be acknowledged with a nod or smirk as opposed to the traditional groan of satisfaction for fear of jeopardising the current downward cases of Covid-19.

Traditionally, especially after a long time without a pint from a bar, imbibers would react to the first sip with an exaggerated ‘aaahhh’ of ‘Jaysus that’s great’. Although the DUP, SF and Alliance agreed that the latter is acceptable and does not contribute to potential spread of the virus, the UUP and SDLP maintained that saying ‘Jaysus that’s great’ was unnecessary and should be replaced with a wink or a wipe of the lips with the sleeve and a smile.

Bars have been asked to install more CCTV cameras with extra strong sound detection equipment in case someone says ‘aaaah’ quietly or from behind a sleeve or napkin.

In other news, Rioting Studies is to be offered in the University of Ulster next year. Students interested in the course are to detail rioting experience on their UCAS forms.