In an explosive revelation this morning, a Dromore historian has revealed that documents he found in a field near his house confirm that St Patrick wasn’t all that fussed on Ireland all the time he was here, including the weather and the price of fuel.

A diary entry from 1600 years ago, in what has been confirmed as St Patrick’s handwriting, mentions the disdain he had for bodhrán players due to the fact that 30 of his sheep he was tending were skinned overnight by raiders from Carrickmore who managed to make over 100 bodhráns out of them.

The diary, found by Judith Graham, continued:

“And don’t get me started on piano-keyed accordions. The noise of them goes right through me and they think they’re all it. And it’s always pishing down here. Then you try to dry out but the price of turf is through the roof”

Patrick went on to have a go at the colour green in language which cannot be printed here.

On a positive note, when passing through Pomeroy, Patrick wrote that he thought the women here were ‘up for a good laugh’ and that he hoped to one day marry a local girl with good hips and strong arms to help him fend off sheep scalpers.