Strabane District Council have warned locals not to buy off an ice cream man circling the town and country areas after it was revealed how extortionate the vendor was, exploiting the unbearably good weather and thirsty customers.
Mr Frosty arrived on the Strabane scene two weeks ago after recognising a gap in the ice cream market in the surrounding area. To the tune of ‘My Boy Lollipop’, the ice cream man has been terrorising a sun-baked community by charging £6.99 for a 99 or £5.99 without the flake.
Local hairdresser Johnny McElhinnion explained:
“We need the UN to intervene or Points of View or something. We’re frying up here in this heat and that man is driving us mad with his music and lovely white van. It’s an oasis in the desert but he’s ripping us off. I bought my daughter and her friends a round of 99s last week and it cost me £69. When you see their wee faces you cannot go back on the transaction. But see if I meet Mr Frosty in a dark alleyway he’ll want to top himself and not the ice cream, which also costs an extra £5 by the way.”
Mr Frosty, who normally goes by the name of Mr Frost, is adamant that he’s simply an honest man making a living in a tough climate:
“Listen, I’m sitting all day in this van listening to My Boy Lollipop and people screaming at me from the fields and sides of the road. I feel like Elvis Presley. Everyone wants a piece of me. £6.99 for an ice cream with flake is nothing to these people with their iPads and loom bands. What price a child’s happiness? It’ll be £7.99 next week.”
Investigations reveal Mr Frosty was chased out of Clady last year after it was revealed he sloppingly licked the 99s of the children who didn’t have enough money on them before handing the 99 over over.
A Carrickmore school cook has angered her husband after selling off the boot of their red Audi A4 at the Dean Maguire College’s annual car boot sale. Hillary Gormley, a canteen cook in a nearby primary school, took the 2009 Audi to the sale whilst her husband, Pat Gormley, attended a cattle market in Edinburgh. Hoping to surprise her husband with a bit of extra cash, Gormley now admits she completely misinterpreted the nature of a car boot sale:
“I’d never actually been to one for the simple reason that I never needed a car boot. Pat had mentioned before he left for Scotland that I should go down to the school’s car boot sale and sell something. As we’ve only the one motor at the minute, I thought it a bit surprising as he cherished that Audi. But I went anyway and sold the boot within minutes for £2000. How the hell was I to know what a car boot sale meant? I just thought the other people hadn’t cleaned their boots out yet when I arrived and saw toys and cutlery lying about theirs.”
Pat Gormley was aghast when driving up his loanan only to see the beloved Audi cut in half, supported by two barrels at the back.
“I thought it was some type of elaborate joke at first, that maybe it was some kind of optical illusion played by a local magician. It wasn’t until I saw Hilary’s face that I realised she had ballsed something up. This is an appeal to the fellow who bought the boot of my motor. Please can we have it back with a full refund. Hillary reckons he has a Loughmacrory or maybe Pomeroy accent. We’ll weld it back on.”
This is not the first time Hillary got the wrong end of the stick. In 1988, she bought 99 ice creams after her mother sent her to the van man to get her a ’99’.