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Archeologists Told To Stop Finding Things For A While
Recent find near Cappagh
Following the discovery of six coins from 1972 in a field near Gortin, archeologists in the county have been warned for the final time to tone it down a bit and stop finding things for a while at least.
Professor Joe Quinn, who spearheads the Tyrone Legacy Association which looks into catering for future generations and leaving plenty for them to do, demanded that people stop trying to find old ruins and memorabilia and to leave some of it for our grandchildren and their children:
“Every time I open the paper I hear of some find on a remote field and it drives me insane. People are selfishly thinking of themselves and leaving nothing for people to find in 200 years. I urge people to put things back and tell no one.”
The recent coin find follows last week’s discovery of the ruins of an underwater settlement in Lough Neagh, dating back at least 150 years. Moortown fisherman Patsy McQuaid now admits he should have turned a blind eye to the find, adding that it has only created problems since he went public:
“I should’ve said nothing. There are still people alive today who had parents that maybe lived in the underwater settlement and this has dredged up problems with the tax man claiming it was a tax haven for wealthy Mootown linen factory owners. No good can come from archeology these days.”
The Tyrone Tourism Board are considering fining anyone who discovers anything until 2020. Loughshore metal-detector fanatic Jim Walshe raged:
“Them boys aren’t telling me what to do. What they are now creating is an underground archeological society where people will meet in secret to exchange treasure. Fcuk the future generations.
Jim Walshe was arrested this morning and his metal detector confiscated.
Loughshore Metal Detecting Man Despondent After Error
Scotch and Brennan
A flying metal detecting enthusiast was last night described as downbeat after he realised his plane was setting off his detector and not valuable artefacts under the moss around the loughshore, 1000 feet below the plane.
Jim Scotch, who has been on the hunt for archeological finds for many years, was convinced he was on to something big for the last year after his metal detector was bleeping furiously any time he took to the sky. Best friend and fellow historian Jack Brennan admitted it was a bit of a blow for Scotch:
“Aye, he’s a bit pissed off like. He had me convinced that there was some kind of metal ship or ancient city under the bog around Derrylaughan even though it made no sense from that distance up. He’d been flying every day over the area mapping where the bleeper was going off like mad and to be honest it was everywhere. That’s when the penny dropped with me.”
Brennan carefully approached Scotch about the possibility that it might be the plane setting off the detector and was met by a swift dig to the jaw.
“I think he was taking it out on me. 12 months down the drain, like.”
Scotch turned on the detector and found no evidence on metal under the bog whilst on foot and admitted his error after it bleeped non-stop when he went near his plane.
“He took it badly and cursed everyone, even the church. Then he tramped and jumped up and down on his detector, smashing it to pieces. I wouldn’t have minded normally, only I loaned him it. He even kicked his wee plane.”
Scotch was unavailable for comment.
Tyrone Tribulations 