BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

A driving instructor from Gortin has been accused of teaching incorrect and often illegal driving techniques to pupils across Tyrone for the last 30 years.

62-year old driving instructor Seamie Wallace from Glenpark Road, was brought to the attention of council authorities when an ex-policeman decided to enlist on one of Wallace’s advanced driving skills courses, at a cost of over £200. There, he was given a series of surprising and frequently illegal instructions, including how to, ‘drive with one knee whilst eating a cheese and tomato sandwich’, ‘weave in and out of traffic like they do in Smokey and the Bandit’, and how to drive ‘the bejaysus out of the motor as if the devil himself is on yer tail’.

Wallace is also alleged to have made a number of somewhat controversial statements to impressionable learner pupils, including, ‘driving after a clatter of pints of the black stuff is fine as long as you’re careful and keep her under 60’, ‘all BMW drivers should be lynched’, ‘traffic lights are for guidance only’, and that ‘indicators are for arseholes’.

A defiant Wallace said,

“I don’t know what the problem is. They said that sitting on the outside lane of the motorway when there’s nothing on the inside lane is wrong. That’s bollocks. I was with a pupil on the A4 yesterday just tootling along the outside lane, and lo and behold there was a whole lock of cars behind us doing the very same thing. We can’t all be wrong, can we?”

King of the road

Spokesman for the PSNI Sean Robertson said,

“He’s the reason the driving in this county is going to the dogs. Eejit. How did any of his pupils ever pass their tests? You see people trying to drive in Omagh on a Saturday and it’s carnage. That’s all his fault. But what do you expect when he tells people that reverse gear is a marketing gimmick, and that using the rear-view mirror just hurts your eyes? God save us”.

Wallace has since passed an exam to become a registered driving examiner in Coalisland.