Omagh Driving Instructor Warned About Flatulence And Flirting.
A driving instructor of 13 years has been ordered to chew on anti-flatulence tablets after a fifth pupil passed out during a complicated parallel parking manoeuvre.
Mike Carr, who drives a 2009 Vauxhall Corsa, was also accused of ordering learners slow down when passing female pedestrians and making inappropriate hand gestures at people with Donegal tops on them.
Jenny McClaren (19) maintains she passed out for at least five minutes following a loud eruption from the instructor as he polished off a strong-smelling egg and onion sandwich:
“It hit me like a brick to the face. The car even vibrated before the waft touched my nostrils. The next thing I knew I was slumped over the wheel, retching, holding up a snake-line of traffic in the town. Only he’s £10 an hour I’d be well away from Smelly Mike.”
Carr has also been admonished for leering at passers-by during crucial 3-point manoeuvres. 23 year old John Quinn, who passed after 11 failed attempts under Carr’s tutelage, admitted to being seriously embarrassed by his teacher’s antics:
“We’d be executing a 3-pointer and he’d stop me and wind down the window and shout ‘gwan ye blade ye’, wolf whistle and then hide and I’d get the 2-fingers from the poor victim. It was some price to pay for a tenner an hour.”
A third learner, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us of a road-side brawl instigated by Carr in 2014. Kirk McCabe, from 12 Tattyreagh Rd, explained:
“We were cruising at 27 mph towards the end of a successful lesson when he grabbed the steering wheel and veered the motor onto the pavement and scattered a group of lads in Donegal tops. He got out and threw up his eyes, blaming me. Those lads pulled me out and gave me a hiding. He just got back in and said ‘that was some handlin‘ and asked me for a tenner.”
Carr is chewing NoMoreFarts.
Gortin Driving Instructor Teaching People To Drive Wrong For Last 30 Years
A driving instructor from Gortin has been accused of teaching incorrect and often illegal driving techniques to pupils across Tyrone for the last 30 years.
62-year old driving instructor Seamie Wallace from Glenpark Road, was brought to the attention of council authorities when an ex-policeman decided to enlist on one of Wallace’s advanced driving skills courses, at a cost of over £200. There, he was given a series of surprising and frequently illegal instructions, including how to, ‘drive with one knee whilst eating a cheese and tomato sandwich’, ‘weave in and out of traffic like they do in Smokey and the Bandit’, and how to drive ‘the bejaysus out of the motor as if the devil himself is on yer tail’.
Wallace is also alleged to have made a number of somewhat controversial statements to impressionable learner pupils, including, ‘driving after a clatter of pints of the black stuff is fine as long as you’re careful and keep her under 60’, ‘all BMW drivers should be lynched’, ‘traffic lights are for guidance only’, and that ‘indicators are for arseholes’.
A defiant Wallace said,
“I don’t know what the problem is. They said that sitting on the outside lane of the motorway when there’s nothing on the inside lane is wrong. That’s bollocks. I was with a pupil on the A4 yesterday just tootling along the outside lane, and lo and behold there was a whole lock of cars behind us doing the very same thing. We can’t all be wrong, can we?”
Spokesman for the PSNI Sean Robertson said,
“He’s the reason the driving in this county is going to the dogs. Eejit. How did any of his pupils ever pass their tests? You see people trying to drive in Omagh on a Saturday and it’s carnage. That’s all his fault. But what do you expect when he tells people that reverse gear is a marketing gimmick, and that using the rear-view mirror just hurts your eyes? God save us”.
Wallace has since passed an exam to become a registered driving examiner in Coalisland.