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Cookstown Family Under Pressure To Eat Everything In House Before School Starts

maxresdefaultNeighbours and friends of the Sheehan family in Cookstown have rallied around them in support of their target to eat everything in the house before Monday 9th.

Malachy Sheehan (47), who reportedly took a head stagger at the weekend and demanded that from the start of school onwards there’ll be a family health-kick in the house, has already consumed NINE packets of Pringles, three selection boxes and over 5kg of pistachio nuts in two days. His wife managed to polish off a 12-pack of McCoys as well as FOURTEEN bottles of Shloer during a 12-hour period today.

Speaking from the bins at the side of his house, Mr Sheehan explained his decision:

“We’re slowly turning into small hippopotamuses. If we spread this food out over the next month we’ll never get back on track so I’ve set a target for all Christmas food to be eaten by next Monday. January is miserable anyway so why not make it even more miserable; you won’t notice.”

Sheehan’s eldest son, Malachy (14), has attempted a level of creativity inspired by his love of cookery problems by mixing up his cereal with full Milky Way bars and adding a side order of shortbread and cream crackers to the family dinner plates.

An anonymous neighbour, however, has lambasted the Sheehans for not donating the food to people in places like Kildress and Tullyhogue.

“They’re a miserable shower. Instead of throwing a few scraps to the poor people of Kildress they’re attempting to devour their unwanted food out of sheer wretchedness.  I hope they get the runs.”

Tomorrow the Sheehans will be aiming to make a hole in over 15lbs of fudge.

Generous Euromillions Winner Buys Everyone In Pub A Drink

McNeill and stranger spend winnings

McNeill and stranger spend winnings

Multi-lingual stove-fitter Terence McNeill from Drummurrer has been labelled a modern day Santa Claus after he treated a Dungannon bar to a round of drinks after finding out during his lunch in McFinn’s Pub that he’d won £5 on the Euromillion Lottery. 

McNeill, who has been nominated for Tyrone Man of the Year because of the gesture, maintains anyone else would have done the same:

“I was just overcome with emotion. There was just myself and another lad in the bar at the time so I bought a Coke and he wanted a Sprite Zero. I got £3.20 change as well so I was able to bring home 6 packets of McCoy’s Beef Crisps for the wife and kids. I’m just that sort of guy. My da always says you can’t take your money to the grave.”

Dungannon Lord Mayor Arthur McGuinness reckons the story of McNeill’s generosity will be spoken about for years to come and might even rival that of the nativity itself:

“For a man from Drummurrer to come to Dungannon and fit stoves is great in itself. For a man to come from Drummurrer and spend his Euromillion winnings in a bar in Dungannon is just something that warms your heart. There’ll be a film about this yet.”

Although McNeill appreciates the good wishes as well as his nomination for Man of the Year, he added that anyone else attempting to tap him up will be shot.

His winning numbers were 1, 2 and 4.

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