Gales of up to 90mph, horizontal sleet and frosty conditions have been sweeping the county like never before, but appears to have had no impact on the choice of dress-wear in Galbally according to local fashion gurus, unlike Kildress.
Galbally parish priest Fr Donnelly has called on the men to hold firm despite the inclement weather:
“We Galballions have the reputation for being the hardest men in Ireland. Our young lads have a proud tradition to uphold and it brought a tear to my eye yesterday to see three young lads sitting on the bridge wall wearing shorts and a vest, despite the hurricane-fuelled hailstorm pounding down on top of them. They’re doing their ancestors proud.”
Youtube videos of Galballions going about their daily business wearing short tshirts and flip flops whilst the heavens lashed down on them have already reached four million viewers from countries as far as Sudan and Fiji. Fr Donnelly added:
“See, them Kildress ones think they’re hard but I’ve seen lads from there wearing gloves. Gloves! What next, a hat? They’ll be the laughing stock down at Tally’s.”
Despite the threat of sub-sero temperatures in the coming days, Fr Donnelly issued a veiled threat to any lad who thinks of going down the glove route:
“Religious excommunication and expulsion from the area is my recommendation for any fellow seen wearing long sleeves or even acknowledging the cold by rubbing hands and saying ‘brrrr’.”
Meanwhile, Kildress officials have explained that the wearing of gloves by two 14-yr olds was a one-off and that both boys have been severely reprimanded.
People in the county this morning woke up to yet another hot day, with many yearning for the typical Tyrone summers of drizzle, cloud and the occasional sleet shower.
“Last night in bed was just awful”, said a 62 year old man from Sandholes who asked not to be named. “Jaysus, I was sweating like a galloping stallion. I had to strip off the flannelette long johns at one point it was so hot, and then did the missus not start getting ideas in her head. I had to turn on the light to wise her up”.
Men are facing the prospect of now having to change their shirt at least once a week before children and elderly relatives start passing out from the overpowering smell, whilst many others have spent the weekend searching through car manuals to find how to switch the air conditioning on.
“This weather’s appalling”, said Jack Dolan, a door handle polisher from Kildress. “All we’re after is a wee bit of nice summer weather and what have we got? Scorching hot sun. Disaster. I’m sure it’s not my imagination, but years ago the summers seemed to be much better. Do you remember that summer of 87? Poured with rain every day for a month. Mighty. The Tones play deadly in the wet”.
A spokesperson for Dungannon & South Tyrone Council agreed.
“What we yearn for is the summers of yesteryear when a Tyrone summer was a proper summer. Lashing rain. At least we knew where we stood. We’re not set up for sunny days. We made the mistake of announcing on Saturday that it was 23 degrees in the shade. So a whole bunch of people from Stewartstown decided it would be better to stay the sun. We didn’t think it through”.
Dungannon Hospital confirmed that it has had an unprecedented number of people turning up with sunburn. “What are they playing at?” said Sheila Quinn from Edendork, one of the doctors on duty over the weekend. “Half of the people in this county would get third degree burns going out under a crescent moon, never mind a boiling hot sun. It’s tara. We admitted one man yesterday with the worst case of sunburn on his legs I’ve ever seen. We had to prescribe Viagra just to help keep the sheets off it”.
The Met Office confirmed that torrential rain is forecast for the rest of the summer.