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Conor McGregor To Turn His Hand To Stove-Fitting. Drummurrer Man Says Bring It On.

 

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McGregor takes a break

Terence McNeill, the multilingual stove-fitter from East Tyrone, is said to be in full extensive stove training after sources from within the McGregor camp claim he’s to turn his hand to mastering stove-fitting after he conquers the boxing arena. 

 

UFC fighter Conor McGregor, who takes on the unbeaten boxer Floyd Mayweather in August under boxing rules, has reportedly already started investigating the world of stove-fitting by YouTubing flue collars, sprigots and vitreous pipes.

McNeill, who has been fitting stoves since he could walk, has rubbished McGregor’s attempts to edge in on his territory:

“That boy better not be thinking he’s going to move in on my turf and fit them better, faster and cheaper than I do. He’s hasn’t a hope. The bollocks wouldn’t know a hardiebacker if it punched him in the bake, like I’ll be doing.”

Friends of McNeill claim he has started to take training a bit too seriously, including trash-talking with family and neighbours.

Local postman Patsy Mulligan claimed they nearly came to blows this morning:

“I was only leaving in a leaflet from Lidl and he called me a motherf**ker and a bitch and something about splattering my head off the canvas. Only his wife came in between him I’d have stretched him out on the lawn. He’d need to be careful with that talk around here.”

A press conference featuring McNeill and McGregor is scheduled for Tessies around November.

 

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Clonoe Metal Detecting Enthusiast Destroys Bog

Work bootsA well known metal detecting activist and part time stove-fitter is said to be in hiding after he destroyed over 300 chains of turf near his home in Drummurrer. 

Terence McNeil, who can read newspapers in 32 different languages, was adamant that a rich bogland was sitting on top of some kind of metal monster, hinting at the possibility of a hidden underground world or perhaps even real gold.

His long-suffering wife, Alisha, admitted she did believe her husband was onto something:

“I heard the bleeping of the metal detector myself. It was going clean mad in that bog so he had the whole family out digging like bastes. Terence was sure it was maybe a helicopter shot down in the 70s or perhaps some kind of Celtic underworld, with the bones of leprechauns a possibility. It wasn’t until it starting bleeping in the house during the night that it finally dawned on me.”

The source of McNeil’s incessent beeping appears to be a new pair of steel toe cap boots he purchased at Cookstown market at the weekend which he has worn non-stop since.

Bog-owner Patsy Corr is currently seeking legal advice after over £300’000’s worth of turf was destroyed due to McNeil’s digging frenzy.

“That bollocks and his steel toe cap boots. When I get my hands on him, he’ll be needing his metal detector to locate my steel toe caps from his backside.”

McNeil has promised to pay the arrears and has advised his daughter that her wedding may be downgraded next year.

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