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Early Championship Mind Games As Tyrone Hire McGregor As Healy Park Bus Space Attendant

SPT_20130723_Spo_048_28343183_I1 copyMonaghan officials have described as ‘cynical’ the move by Tyrone to hire Conor McGregor as the car park attendant for their championship class in May in Omagh, with special responsibility for buses. 

McGregor, who recently found himself in a spot of bother after an altercation with a bus in America, will reportedly be paid £10 an hour for the day, funded by a special collection made at a Club Tyrone meeting in Garvaghey last week which raised £2m in 10 minutes.

Monaghan GAA vice chairman Pat Shovelin maintains it’s a sign that Tyrone and Harte are feeling the pressure before the big occasion:

“It’s a form of dirty tricks. But we’ll be prepared. We have already attached cages to all the windows on our bus and Dick Clerkin has promised to arrive early and stand beside McGregor in case he tries something like he did in the States. Our Dick isn’t afraid of anyone.”

Additionally, over 4000 Ricey McMenamin masks will be handed out to the crowd on the day which has been renamed ‘Ryan McMenamin Appreciation Day’, in another move which has been described as ‘intentionally intimidatory’ by Monaghan officials.

Meanwhile, Kevin ‘Hub’ Hughes has been drafted in by Harte to help out Stephen O’Neill in coaching forwards how to become more accurate in front of goals.

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Conor McGregor To Turn His Hand To Stove-Fitting. Drummurrer Man Says Bring It On.

 

Screenshot_2017-03-08_12_opt copy

McGregor takes a break

Terence McNeill, the multilingual stove-fitter from East Tyrone, is said to be in full extensive stove training after sources from within the McGregor camp claim he’s to turn his hand to mastering stove-fitting after he conquers the boxing arena. 

 

UFC fighter Conor McGregor, who takes on the unbeaten boxer Floyd Mayweather in August under boxing rules, has reportedly already started investigating the world of stove-fitting by YouTubing flue collars, sprigots and vitreous pipes.

McNeill, who has been fitting stoves since he could walk, has rubbished McGregor’s attempts to edge in on his territory:

“That boy better not be thinking he’s going to move in on my turf and fit them better, faster and cheaper than I do. He’s hasn’t a hope. The bollocks wouldn’t know a hardiebacker if it punched him in the bake, like I’ll be doing.”

Friends of McNeill claim he has started to take training a bit too seriously, including trash-talking with family and neighbours.

Local postman Patsy Mulligan claimed they nearly came to blows this morning:

“I was only leaving in a leaflet from Lidl and he called me a motherf**ker and a bitch and something about splattering my head off the canvas. Only his wife came in between him I’d have stretched him out on the lawn. He’d need to be careful with that talk around here.”

A press conference featuring McNeill and McGregor is scheduled for Tessies around November.

 

Conor McGregor’s Great Aunt Recalls His Year In Dungannon In The 90s

2f27a21600000578-3350251-image-a-34_1449534306795Double World UFC Champion Conor McGregor’s great aunt, Teresa McGregor, is to tour the county this Christmas to give talks on Conor’s time spent living near the White City in Dungannon at the age of 7.

McGregor, who moved to the town for 12 months when his Dublin home was infested with squirrels in 1995, attended St Patrick’s Primary School for the duration and is fondly remembered by his teachers at the time.

Mrs Jones, who taught Conor Woodwork and CDT, recalled:

Even back then he was a formidable character. One day we were each making a chair and he was very good at it whereas the other lads could have been making turnips for all they looked like. He was jumping up and down shouting ‘shut yer fookin mouth you’ll do nuttin, get the fook outta here’ to some lad who said he’d make a better chair than Conor. He was very confident.

Conor was suspended soon after for telling the principal that he’d obliterate him if he didn’t let him go to the toilet.

Teresa McGregor also reminisces how Conor made an impression around the town at the weekend.

He’d head into Woolworths and buy a load of crayons and draw loads of mad animals all over his body. Then the next thing you’d hear him shouting out of the top window of Tom Morrow’s shop ‘where’s my fookin belt? Get me my fookin belt!’ He was very particular about his clothes, even at that age.

McGregor’s time in Dungannon is fondly remembered despite arriving with a troublesome  reputation after reportedly beating up 15 babysitters before he was three and getting barred from Funky Monkeys in Dublin for eating the plastic balls.

Rumours persist that McGregor and Sean Cavanagh are to share a sweet chili chicken sandwich at the Deli on the Green at Linen Green next weekend although it is thought that Conor expects Sean to foot the bill.

‘Left Immersion On’ Comment Inspires Quick McGregor Win

Immersion

Aldo’s downfall

Following Conor McGregor’s 13-second demolition of Jose Aldo for the UFC Featherweight title in Las Vegas, a Pomeroy-born trainer from McGregor’s back-room entourage revealed his last words to his new champion inspired the speedy knock-out.

McGregor, who is notorious for saving energy around the house, was said to be ‘infuriated’ after John Kavanagh shouted ‘you left the immersion on, Conor’ just before both fighters were called to touch gloves.

Kavanagh, the 1986 Pomeroy Sports Day Boxing Runner-Up, admitted he had the comment in mind all week:

“I’ve lived with Conor so I know how mad he gets if you leave the light on in the toilet or boil the kettle twice. I’d planned the immersion situation all week and managed to slip it in just before he was called in by the ref. He turned to me and said ‘for fcuk sake…’ before being made to listen to the ref’s instructions. I’ve no doubt he finished it early because of that.”

Ringside spectators confirmed that McGregor made hand gestures to family members in the crowd to turn off the immersion, whilst he sat on top of the ropes in victory.

An immersion heater in America can cost up to 3 dollars an hour. With McGregor over two hours from his house, by the time he got showered and put his own clothes back on, he could have been over $20 out of pocket before opening his front door.

Kavanagh admitted he already has something up his sleeve for McGregor’s next fight. A close friend of the trainer maintains he will tell Conor that someone was eating in his good front room.

Reports confirmed that the immersion wasn’t left on at all.

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