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Conor McGregor To Turn His Hand To Stove-Fitting. Drummurrer Man Says Bring It On.

 

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McGregor takes a break

Terence McNeill, the multilingual stove-fitter from East Tyrone, is said to be in full extensive stove training after sources from within the McGregor camp claim he’s to turn his hand to mastering stove-fitting after he conquers the boxing arena. 

 

UFC fighter Conor McGregor, who takes on the unbeaten boxer Floyd Mayweather in August under boxing rules, has reportedly already started investigating the world of stove-fitting by YouTubing flue collars, sprigots and vitreous pipes.

McNeill, who has been fitting stoves since he could walk, has rubbished McGregor’s attempts to edge in on his territory:

“That boy better not be thinking he’s going to move in on my turf and fit them better, faster and cheaper than I do. He’s hasn’t a hope. The bollocks wouldn’t know a hardiebacker if it punched him in the bake, like I’ll be doing.”

Friends of McNeill claim he has started to take training a bit too seriously, including trash-talking with family and neighbours.

Local postman Patsy Mulligan claimed they nearly came to blows this morning:

“I was only leaving in a leaflet from Lidl and he called me a motherf**ker and a bitch and something about splattering my head off the canvas. Only his wife came in between him I’d have stretched him out on the lawn. He’d need to be careful with that talk around here.”

A press conference featuring McNeill and McGregor is scheduled for Tessies around November.

 

‘Left Immersion On’ Comment Inspires Quick McGregor Win

Immersion

Aldo’s downfall

Following Conor McGregor’s 13-second demolition of Jose Aldo for the UFC Featherweight title in Las Vegas, a Pomeroy-born trainer from McGregor’s back-room entourage revealed his last words to his new champion inspired the speedy knock-out.

McGregor, who is notorious for saving energy around the house, was said to be ‘infuriated’ after John Kavanagh shouted ‘you left the immersion on, Conor’ just before both fighters were called to touch gloves.

Kavanagh, the 1986 Pomeroy Sports Day Boxing Runner-Up, admitted he had the comment in mind all week:

“I’ve lived with Conor so I know how mad he gets if you leave the light on in the toilet or boil the kettle twice. I’d planned the immersion situation all week and managed to slip it in just before he was called in by the ref. He turned to me and said ‘for fcuk sake…’ before being made to listen to the ref’s instructions. I’ve no doubt he finished it early because of that.”

Ringside spectators confirmed that McGregor made hand gestures to family members in the crowd to turn off the immersion, whilst he sat on top of the ropes in victory.

An immersion heater in America can cost up to 3 dollars an hour. With McGregor over two hours from his house, by the time he got showered and put his own clothes back on, he could have been over $20 out of pocket before opening his front door.

Kavanagh admitted he already has something up his sleeve for McGregor’s next fight. A close friend of the trainer maintains he will tell Conor that someone was eating in his good front room.

Reports confirmed that the immersion wasn’t left on at all.

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