Dolores In Good Form

An Iranian buck goat has finally taken to the dock at Omagh Courthouse after Tattyreagh man Johnny Laverty accused the animal of persistent intimidation over a four year period. 

The goat, an asylum-seeking buck who fled Iran for supposedly being made to do ‘donkey work’, was unable to say much in his defence apart from a few bleats and urinating on the way up to the stand.

A spokesman for the buck goat is adamant his client will not be deported back to Iran:

“This is an outrageous case. How can a goat mentally intimidate a grown man? The prosecution team are basing their argument around how my client stares at him and the traditional goat sounds he makes. It’s unreasonable and to me sounds like a clear case of goataphobia. This man Laverty has a history of the victim-complex syndrome. In 2008 he filed a case against a neighbour’s cat, accusing the feline of issuing dirty looks and threatening hissing.”

Laverty is convinced he will succeed in his aim to have the goat, nicknamed Dolores, flown back to the middle east by the weekend:

“Dolores has this place terrorised. You can’t walk to the shop without seeing his piercing eyes locked on you whilst menacingly chewing a few blades of grass like Clint Eastwood. Sometimes he makes mad bleating or baaaing noises that I’m sure sounds like ‘ye fecker’ or stuff like that. A man told me the buck goat also pretended to go for him a couple of times, making a jerk forward movement before laughing in a goaty way. Anyway Dolores is a woman’s name.”

Court resumes on Saturday morning with a decision expected at noon.

Meanwhile the Tattyreagh Tourism Team have urged people not to be put off by Dolores and to continue visiting the area to taste their traditional local produce of ham baps and diluted juice.