BY SHENGAS MCGLUMPHIE

Documents obtained by Tyrone Tribulations reveal the efforts being undertaken by Dungannon South & Tyrone Council to get ensure the county gets plenty of coverage on the new television channel, Irish TV, which was launched last year.

The confidential paper outlines some programme ideas and their content which was brainstormed by senior councillors, many of which will apparently go into a final proposal to be submitted to Irish TV. Some of those ideas include the following: –

Mr Black’s Girls

A sitcom about a loud, nosy, foul-mouthed Irish patriarch and his family which is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Contains faintly humorous dialogue miraculously turned into hilarious comedy gold by the adding of ‘feck’, ‘fecking’ or ‘fecked’ to every other line.

Dancing on Ice

Tyrone’s version of the BBC’s Dancing on Ice, but filmed outdoors instead of inside. Celebrities from around the county skate on a permanent field of ice whilst battling sub-zero temperatures, howling winds and freezing rain, in the middle of summer. To be filmed at the Garvaghey Complex.

FayWatch

Lynette Fay, presenting Country Afternoon in a bright red bathing suit, whilst being chatted up by David Hasselhoff wearing badly-fitting swim shorts, standing on top of the Berlin Wall.

Dogging Live

Following the success of BBC2’s Lambing Live in March, Dogging Live follows poodles, Labradors and Alsatians as they go about their nightly duties. Filmed by middle-aged men in a poorly lit car park near Strabane after midnight.

Priests Say The Funniest Things

Some of the funniest lines by Tyrone’s parish priests caught on camera, including side-splitting communions, hilarious funerals, month’s mind bloopers, and secretly-recorded confessions by Tyrone’s faithful.

Wild About Tyrone

A wildlife programme, this half-hour special will feature the indigenous but rarely seen strange and exotic creatures of Tyrone, including grass snakes, pollen fish, and Coalisland traffic wardens.

PJ and Hugo Duncan

PJ and Hugo Duncan re-live their 90s classic hit, ‘Let’s Get Ready To Skiddly Dee’ which got to number 16 in the Strabane pop charts in 1986. Performed in front of a disapproving Simon Cowell.

Dances with Wolves

A movie about the perils of drinking far too much at Sense nightclub in the Glenavon Hotel, where a combination of pounding music, the smoke machine, alcohol, and desperation, leads to poor partner-selection on the dance floor. Followed by Gorillas in the Mist.