Looks deadly real

Coalisland’s first virtual shop has temporarily closed after the council belatedly decided they need to inform locals how it works.

The move comes after pensioner Gerry McIntyre (71) caught a very bad cold whilst knocking on the door and shouting through the painted window for 9 hours. The shop, which depicts a colourful and lively scene using hoardings and virtual graphics painted over a brick wall, was unveiled recently as an attempt to tidy the town up a bit.

However, residents have hit out after they received no leaflets to explain what the shop was or how it worked. McIntyre’s wife Kitty informed us:

“When Gerry said he was popping down to McCrum’s for a loaf of bread and a light bulb I just thought he was doting again. That was at 9am and it wasn’t until 6pm that I thought I may go looking for him. When I got there he was roaring his head off, shouting things like ‘ignorant shower of hoors’ and stuff like that. He was shivering badly too and his hand looked busted from banging on the door which was just a brick wall.”

Other locals have complained that the depiction was too realistic. The local doctor’s surgery confirmed he received 14 calls for people with busted noses from walking into the virtual door. Mr McKendry added:

“It’s just too good. Their painting has people chatting away in a friendly manner and smiling at each other. Maybe they should tone it down a bit with someone drunk firing a chair at the owner because his sausage roll was cold. You know, run of the mill stuff you’d see here.”

The council announced they have shelved plans to create a virtual off-licence in case of fatalities.