Seen on Gumtree today from Coalisland address

A Coalisland stove-fitter is said to be still in an agitated state after he received a Northern Ireland soccer scarf from his long-standing wife, with the Derry-native maintaining it was an innocent error.

Terence McNeill, who has a season ticket at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin and was mascot for the Republic of Ireland v Malta in 1988, had to leave his watering establishment last night well before throwing out time due to relentless slagging and continuous playing of ‘God Save The Queen’ by the pub’s resident DJ.

Still seething, the multi-lingual handyman fumed:

“How did you think I’d react? She even got it signed by the NI squad and it also had a personal message from Kyle Lafferty. Imagine how a Moygashel True Blues Flute Band member would react if he woke up to a Carrickmore GAA jersey as his main present. He’d be as ripping as I am.”

Close friend and drinking partner Noel Devlin admitted it was the best Christmas night ever in O’Neill’s pub in the town:

“When word got out that Mrs McNeill had made the fatal error, we decorated the pub with pictures of Billy Bingham and kept chanting ‘Stand Up For The Ulster Men’ every time he stood up to go to the bar or toilet. We’d like to thank Mrs McNeill for a wonderful Christmas.”

Meanwhile, local photographer Olly Kerr has issued an appeal for unwanted boxer shorts as he didn’t get the amount he’d expected and had thrown hundreds of old ones out last week in preparation for a new batch.