3000 Year Old Mummified Corpse ‘The Brocagh Man’ Was A Miserable Sod Says Scientist
A chief scientist at the centre of the discovery of a 3000-year-old mummified corpse in a bog in Brocagh has concluded that ‘The Brocagh Man’ was a probably a miserable man due to the ‘karr’ or grimace on his face, in keeping with Broacgh locals today.
The body has also offered up a series of unanswerable questions such as why he was wearing a pair of DM boots and a baseball cap, hinting at the possibility of time travel.
The Brocagh Man was discovered by local farmer Henry Robinson whilst out strolling down the Carnan Road last weekend with his trusty dog Pebbles. Taking a short cut through the moss, he stumbled across the ancient artefact. Robinson immediately contacted Sinn Fein:
“To be honest I wasn’t sure who to call first. I wouldn’t be fond of the police and the local priest was at the market in Nutts Corner so I got a hold of Sinn Fein. Mr Mallroy was as equally shocked as I was but we both laughed at how miserable he looked and concluded that he was definitely from these parts alright.”
Robinson confirmed he doesn’t remember seeing DM boots on the body, nor a baseball cap, and is suspicious of scientists pushing their own agendas. He confirmed:
“I think I would have noticed. I’m a fan of Dr Martens myself so I’m sure I would have noticed he was wearing a pair. I wouldn’t be surprised if them Belfast scientists put that stuff on him as they’re always looking for grants for studying time travel I heard. Bunch of crooks.”
Ireland’s top palaeontologist, Mary Kelly, is sure that the corpse is a local from around 1000BC and was probably in bad form having to pay for basic porridge or a sup of ether:
“Straight away you notice he was miserable. But if you drive around Brocagh today, you can clearly see how miserable the locals are. They hate forking out money for anything so my guess if that The Brocagh Man dropped soon after a transaction.”
The Brocagh Man can be seen at Mass this weekend.