According to a renowned historian, William III (of Orange) detested marching bands and once had two whole drum corps hanged for practising at 8am on a Sunday morning. 

Professor James Boyne discovered a treasure trove of archive material on the former King in a house in Holland last month whilst researching the monarch’s childhood.

Diaries and letters confirmed that William absolutely abhorred flute playing and flautists in particular, calling one flute band from Amsterdam ‘satan’s squealers from the pits of hell itself‘ in a letter to his anonymous male friend simply known as ‘squidgy face’.

Boyne added:

He definitely hated marching bands. On one occasion he rode his horse straight through an accordion band who were practicing outside a village in Somerset, killing three triangle players. Witnesses said he was doing a mad laugh whilst it happened.

Although pipe bands seem to have escaped his wrath, Boyne discovered that he had his sights set on obliterating the Scottish Highlands Pipes and Drums Band who were marching to London for a gig. Luckily for the band, William died after falling off his horse whilst ferociously chasing a Lambeg drummer across the moors in Essex.

LOL16 Grand Master Victor Hughes today called for Professor Boyne to be sentenced for treason.