Ardboe Man Washing Clear Diesel Set To Lose Clean Fortune
In what has been described as a ‘less than enterprising move’, Ardboe man Franklin O’Hagan has locally made no secret of the fact that he has been adding food dye to clear diesel, and plans to sell it out the back of his home-house.
Mr O’Hagan, who has invested in a sea container (for use as an office), a till for storing cash and printing receipts, 100kg of red food dye from China, and a special unit complete with gravity-fed fuel pump, is adamant that there is a demand for his product.
“\Lucksee, sure the whole country’s couped with prices of everything going up and no one knows when it will stop. There’s many’s a man on the breadline, and I’m not that far off it myself, hi!”
Despite friends and family warning him that buying clear diesel and colouring it made no financial sense, O’Hagan fumed:
“Half the country is trying to get back on the red, and sure nowhere seems to sell it anymore. What I’m doing is completely legal. I buy the clear diesel and pay the proper price for it, so no issue there with customs. I then choose to add the food dye to what is legally mine, again no issue, and then I sell her off to the punter at cheaper red diesel prices.”
When pressed further that this would mean a financial loss for him, and he is likely to lose everything, including his mother’s house, he told us that we were just jealous, and that he also has a shipment of green food dye on the way, for the “Mexicans coming up here til get cheaper stuff”.
In other unrelated news, Ardboe has seen a decrease in midges in recent weeks coupled with an upturn in tourism.