Tyrone’s Only Conservative Politician Urges Locals To Eat Insects

In something akin to a passage in a Jonathan Swift novel, Tyrone’s only Conservative politician, Sir Charles Urquhart Nathaniel-Thompson addressed a rally in Cabragh and told how the ‘fine people of Tyrone should be eating insects’, citing costs savings to be achieved from such ventures.

Sir Nathanial Thomspon spoke of how and why this ‘lifestyle change’ should happen:

“Tyrone is full of big spiders and daddy long legs.  At this time of year, there are all sorts of weird and wonderful insects and invertebrates to be found, and indeed they can be easily scraped from the lights of the front of one’s car, of an evening.  By god, one does not even have to keep them frozen of a cold night, but may just collect them the next morning.  Yes they might taste a bit smokey or petrol fumey, but we all must make sacrifices in these times of austerity”

He went on to state that jam jars with water in them provide a great source of insects, but refused to be drawn on whether he is pressing for an emergency bill to rush through a jam jar tax, or that he had given lucrative jam jar contracts to his wife’s newly established firm.

During the poorly attended rally, he told the three or four gathered that surviving on insects meant more disposable income to blow on heating costs.

We caught up with him enjoying a steak dinner in Quinn’s Corner to ask him if he was serious and he told us to go away or he would release the hounds.

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About Gombeen

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Posted on December 20, 2022, in GAA. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Surprised Sir Charles was not advising his peasants to eat grass, like his ancestors did. That’s the traditional way
    Eating insects is a double whammy : 1) it really sabotages his “green” claim-to-fame as it destroys bio-diversity. 2) Even worse, he’ll be making Greta cry!

    Liked by 1 person

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