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Fintona Family Shunned After Son’s ‘British Champions’ Boast On Facebook

emotionheaderA Fintona family have described how living at home has become a cold and lonely place after their son and daughter bragged online about winning the Ladies Junior British GAA Championship with their Manchester based club Oisín C.L.G..

Brother and sister Jamie Garrity (joint manager) and Caroline Garrity (captain), who joined the club in order to keep in touch with their cultural and sporting roots, have since deleted their Facebook statuses but locals maintain the damage has already been done.

Jamie’s status, which read “British Champions, Get ‘er bucked“, only received one like as well as a torrent of abuse in the comments section underneath, before it was taken off.


The children’s father, Brian, is at a loss to explain the rush of blood to his son’s head:

“It’ll be a long time before things will cool down around here. There’s a lot of anger about and we’ve had to shop in Fivemiletown because of it. People here have long memories. Normally a parent would be proud of their children being successful in foreign lands but just don’t be boasting about it using the B word. Crazy stuff to be at.”

The Oisins now head to Maastricht for the All-Ireland preliminary round with a sizeable contingent from Fintona reportedly flying over to throw their support behind their opponents from Brussels.

An anonymous emailer explained:

“You’d never think a lad from Fintona would celebrate being British champions. You wouldn’t hear the Brussels ladies at that so we’re throwing our support behind the Belgians. That’ll put manners on Jamie and maybe he’ll not be at the bragging next time. Well done and all that but don’t be shoving it in our faces. It’s tough enough Fintona finishing 11th in Division 3 without hearing about them being British Champions.”

Ireland’s Call has been decided upon as the anthem for the Oisín game over in Holland, not helping matters.

Coalisland In County Tyrone Accidentally Twinned With Cologne In Germany

The Island

The Island

By Shengas McGlumphie

A mix-up at the EC in Brussels resulted in Coalisland, population less than 5,000, being accidentally twinned with Cologne, Germany’s 4th largest city with a population of over 1 million.

 “I suppose it was a wee touch embarrassing” admitted Des Crawford, local businessman and Chairman of the Coalisland Enterprise Trust, which sent a delegation of six to meet with the Cologne mayor and his team to celebrate the twinning. “We meant to Google Cologne beforehand when the penny might have dropped but to be fair what with all the excitement of going on a plane we forgot”.

One of the Irish contingent, Seamy Hughes, a butcher from the Island, came close to sparking a major diplomatic incident within hours of landing in the city.

“To be honest we only invited him because he said he had a good bit of the German language as he did it at school”, admitted Crawford, “So when Heinz started rabitting away in German we pushed Seamy to the front to do a bit of the German chat. Jaysus, did he not just stand there in front of yer man and yell “Vot is it you vont”, at the top of his voice in this mad German accent, followed by, ‘Vood you like to see ze papers?’ We didn’t know where to look. I thought at one stage he was going to start goose-stepping”.

Affairs took a further turn for the worse on the 4-day programme during the official exchange of gifts, with Cologne giving Coalisland a set of commemorative coins, an original piece of German artwork nearly 200 years old, and some bespoke jewellery believed to be valued at €30,000 (£25,000). In return, the Coalisland team had brought Cologne a Tyrone GAA car air freshener and some Kimberley Mikado biscuits. With the help of an interpreter, relations improved on the second evening over several glasses of Reisling.

“It was a bit of craic, and they were bangin’ on about all these famous boys that came from Cologne, including some composer, Beethoven”, said Crawford. “So they’re saying about how proud they are of their Beethoven boy and we just sat there and said two words – ‘Dennis’ and ‘Taylor’. Aw, you should have seen their faces. Total silence! They never knew Dennis came from the Island see. They had no idea. We trumped them there boys! Deadly!”

Exchanging information on the relative merits of Coalisland and Cologne presented no issues for the Island team, according to Crawford.

“Jaysus they were going on about their ‘40 museums’ this and their ‘Cologne Cathedral’ that. It all pales into insignificance when you see thon new Newell’s Stores in the Island. It’s a belter. Did you know they even sell parmesan cheese? Unbelievable. It knocks themuns and all their fancy Cologne boutiques into a cocked hat, I’ll tell ye that”.



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