Blog Archives

20’000 Viewers Tune In For New Tyrone Farmers’ TV Channel. Racy After Midnight.

Derrytresk Digger Drivers

Derrytresk Digger Drivers

Religious leaders across Tyrone were up in arms tonight after a change in the schedule saw programmes like Clonoe Farmers’ Wives come on the new Tyrone Farmers’ TV channel on Sky 899. The much anticipated new TV station saw 20’000 tune in at one stage to watch a special programme on the origins of the Massey 135 followed by ‘How To Bale, Turn and Row a Field In Less Than An Hour’. However, after midnight the airwaves turned blue with three hours of raunchy programmes including ‘Blades on Balers’ and ‘Boilersuit Babes’, sparking furious calls to TV regulators from clergy and other religious ministers who were still up watching channels that far down the schedule.

The Very Reverend Johnny Rogan told OFCOM:

“I’m still shaking. When I turn on the telly at night, I do not expect to see a woman from Brackaville lying all over a Davy Brown wearing nothing but oul holey jeans and and their GAA top, winking at the camera saying things like ‘do yez like me motor lads’ and going over oul talk like that. If I wanted to hear that I’d watch them other channels just after it on the remote control sure, only in an English accent.”

Overall though, producers of the new channel have hailed it a success with other popular programmes like ‘Ewe Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and ‘Top Of The Crops’ pulling in over 10’000 viewers. Chief Executive, Jo-Jo McIlhinney, was delighted despite the midnight criticism:

“All-in-all it was a great debut. Our Jeremy Kyle style chat-show ‘Get Off My Land’ saw over 600 calls from farmers looking to appear on next week’s show to discuss our topics such as ‘access to a rampart’ and ‘how to keep the kitchen from smelling like dung’. I sympathise with Reverend Rogan’s plight but farmers get lonely too. Next week we’ll be catering for our women with ‘Derrytresk Digger Drivers, Bare-Chested’. And best of all, it’s free – after you pay the £90 subscription”.

The Very Reverend Rogan admitted he’d watched ‘Titillating Trillick Tractor Teasers’ as he’s deadly fond of the American Cockshutt Hartparr models.

Tomorrow’s schedule:

8am-10am – Cutting Hay The Augher Way – Scythe Special
10am-12am – The Great Kildress ‘Quare Feed of Spuds’ Bake-Off
12pm-2pm – Spread Or No Spread
2pm-4pm – The Weakest Linkbox
4pm-6pm – Come Milk With Me
6pm-8pm – Emerdale
8pm-10pm – You’ve Been Farmed
10pm-12am – Emerdale
12am-2am – Moortown Maids In Manure
2am-4am – Galbally Guys On Grass
4am-8am Emerdale

Advertisements

New Red Diesel Laws Sees Rise In Tractors At Clonoe Church

Mrs Quinn (76) out for a Sunday drive

Mrs Quinn (76) out for a Sunday drive

“An effin tractor convention” were the words uttered by an irritated Fr Hannigan last week during his homily at a packed Clonoe church. HM Revenue & Custom confirmed that during extreme weather farmers can use red diesel in their tractors to help grit and clear snow from public roads, earlier in the month. In an obvious floutation of the new ruling, it has been estimated that every household in the parish now own a second hand tractor for everyday use, from going to the local shop for milk to bringing the children to carol services. Fr Hannigan’s patience finally cracked after the racket made by late-comers arriving in their New Hollands made the opening ten minutes of his service completely inaudible.

“The penny dropped when I saw Mrs McGrath and Mrs Taggart arriving at Saturday night’s mass in their own tractors. McGrath was attempting to steer a creaking 1967 Cockshut Hartparr through the front pillars. She broke the head off one of them and bulled on through the once-beautiful garden. My maid was distraught when she saw her demolished dahlia beds. Mrs Taggart was some sight. Descending from her Massey 2004, didn’t she get her frock caught somewhere in the cab, ripping the fabric from around her behind. There was some queue behind her at communion. Men who never took the bread were up like a shot for a gawk. No one will complain about the awkwardness of driving these monsters as the money saved on untaxed fuel seems to be worth the hassle. It has to stop though. The church grounds resemble a monster truck rally. And the buckin sound.”

Teachers have also complained about the carnage at hometime when over 150 tractors and snow ploughs turn up to collect the children. Police appear to be powerless to intervene as the roads are so bad around the area that even pensioners justified tramping through the shite in Davy Browns with Christmas presents balancing on the drawbars.

paul g moss

Theories in Education

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

LUCID NOW🌜

LUCID BEING - STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and gadget reviews

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Dining with Donald

Donald on Dining in and Out.

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: