By Lee Turavod
Loughmuck Institute of Advanced Anthropology (LIIA) once again surged ahead of the curve in unveiling a new range of vocational and academic courses: ‘Corner Boying in the 21st Century’.
Professor Helen Back will oversee and mentor all students who leap into these hitherto unexplored corners of academia. She elaborated:
“These courses offer the chance to study the ancient art of Corner Boying and to evaluate its place within our culture. Graduates either become Corner Boys themselves or work in the conservation, promotion, maintenance and rehabilitation of Corner Boys who are already in the field at this time”.
When asked why some Corner Boys were in fields, Mrs Back angrily retorted:
“That is exactly the type of closed-mindedness this course seeks to remedy. Corner Boys don’t stand in fields. They stand on corners in towns and villages and on road-sides and sometimes beside gates. Corner Boys are an ancient band of brothers and sisters who watch over our communities selflessly and ceaselessly…they’re the very fabric of our society yet no one is doing anything to address their startling decline or to defend them against the ridicule and contempt they face every single day”.
Questioned why any young boy or girl would ever consider becoming a Corner Boy, Helen began to foam at the mouth and rail:
“Why wouldn’t they? Some people just aren’t cut out for sitting in an office watching the internet all day pretending to do work…work that no one understands and that doesn’t need to get done. Some people feel the call of the wild, the call of the corner”.
Pressed as to how a female student could become a “Corner Boy” and whether some type of gender reassignment would be in order, Doctor Back had to be restrained by security guards and the ensuing melee resulted in the cancellation of a speech by Ireland’s foremost Corner Boy, Derek ‘Big-Louie’ McGrath.
Loughmuck Institute of Advanced Anthropology invites applicants to call in person to their Drumragh Campus. Patience and extreme civility are advised. Numbers limited.