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Possible Donegal Spy Balloon Spotted Flying Over Ballygawley. Shot Down.

Tyrone GAA officials have officially complained to GAA administrators in Dublin after it emerged that a balloon flying over Ballygawley on Thursday was possibly a Donegal spy balloon, as it appeared to be sponsored by McEniff Hotels.

With Donegal set to face Tyrone in Omagh on Sunday, early evidence appears to suggest that they intended to get a head start by spying on any new tactics Dooher and Logan may be thinking of trying out at the weekend.

Luckily Peter Harte spotted the balloon whilst studying clouds during a lull in the training session in Garvaghey. Dooher instructed his players to start doing yoga followed by ballet dancing in order to confuse their rivals.

The balloon was eventually shot down by Feargal Logan who keeps a pile of air pistols handy just in case, in the boot of his Mazda.


The balloon was actually a helium balloon bought for a 10-year-old’s birthday in Dungannon which blew away due to high winds. Logan has promised to reimburse the young lad.

Loughshore Metal Detecting Fanatic Digs Up Derrytresk Pitch

Jim Scott yesterday

Jim Scott yesterday

Senior County Board officials were called to Derrytresk late last night to mediate in a stand-off between the club’s committee and Jim Scott, a well known metal-detecting expert from the area. Scott, of no fixed abode, has refused to stop digging until he finds whatever is making his metal-detector ‘bleep like feck’. With the county league not scheduled to start for another two months, time is on the side of the mediators although the hole is now said to be deep enough to comfortably hold a JCB or three tall men standing on top of each other. Our reporter descended into the pit to get Scott’s version of the fall-out:

“I was just dandering about the roads with my trusty metal detector and thought I’d try the Hill’s field as it probably hasn’t been covered before. It was near midnight and I hadn’t detected anything since 2009 so I wasn’t expecting much. Then sure didn’t the thing start bleepin like a bollocks around the middle of the field. I had a spade down the back of my trousers so I started digging. 24 hours later I’m still digging and she’s still bleepin away. I’m not stopping til I find out what’s causing it. There’s talk of some boy Hughie or something who might have buried is savings here. Or maybe it’s the cup from 1955 that no one has seen. I’ll be here a while.”

Derrytresk committee spokesperson, Kieran Fitzpatrick, admits that the situation is critical now.

“Jaysus it’s a farce now. The hole is so deep that all we can see is the shine off his wee baldy head when he takes his cap off. It’s the batteries on his detector that’s causing the bleeping. Wee Jim won’t hear of it though. 2009 is a long time ago but he needs to admit defeat on this one. We’re just afraid he’ll come out the other side in New Zealand or something. Then there’s the hole itself. If we play around it it’s possible but sometime surely someone high-profile like the Hub or Dooher will fall into it and we’ll be in for some claim then. There’s nothing there. All Hughie’s stuff is gone. I know that for a fact.”

With snow forecast for later, officials are hoping he’ll stop the digging and head on.


Moygashel Man Not Fond Of Brussel Sprouts and Christmas

A Moygashel machine operator admitted this morning that he’s not overly enamored with Brussel Sprouts in spite of what he has said at every dinner table he has eaten at around Christmas since 1955. Malachy Carney made the astonishing outburst to his mate Gerry the plumber as they fished for small perch in the Torrent River before sunrise on Wednesday.

“I’m coming clean this year,” he told Gerry the plumber, “I can’t stand the fcukers. Since a young lad I’ve watched people put them in their gob and chew whilst trying not to show the utter feeling of revulsion and disgust on their face. It was a sign of weakness for a man in Moygashel not to like the sprouts. I remember my grandfather passing out after eating his second one and he put it down to ‘bad movements’ so no one asked any questions. I knew rightly. Well, that’s it for me. I’d rather ate a boul a dung.”

Carney’s nightmare

Malachy, who was in a particularly bad mood this morning, also admitted he didn’t really like Christmas and wouldn’t be sending any Christmas cards out this year, even to his in-laws. Gerry took up the story:

“Jaysus he was in foul form altogether. He said he hadn’t received a Christmas present he’d liked since he got a pile of Lego when he was 5. This annoyed me a bit as I’d bought him a pair of Brian Dooher trunks last year. Then he pledged not to reply to cards he received as the majority were a shower of miserable bastards the rest of the year who’d cross the street if they saw you coming. Just when I thought he was finished he said he didn’t believe in Jesus anyway and says there’s no way yer woman rode on a donkey with her nine months pregnant in the depths of winter.”

Malachy repeated the message to Mrs Carney on arriving home, only to be met with an avalanche of abuse about ‘acting the bollocks’ and that he would be eating the sprouts ‘or there’d be no drink bought the year’. Carney said he would take a few then.

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