A county Tyrone television watcher has thrown the TV series Dr Who into disarray after he worked out that the outer dimensions of the TARDIS in no way matches up to its inner measurements.
Diarmuid Dieselin, who claims to have worked on the finer detail of this explosive revelation for more that five years, has already written to the BBC asking for an apology for 55 years of hoodwinking the audience.
“It’s a disgrace. The box is about nine feet tall, maybe three and a half feet wide and deep. Yet inside the TARDIS there are many rooms and chambers as well as a massive console room. Do they think we are idiots?”
Although the BBC have yet to comment on the news, sources close to the broadcaster have hinted that they might stall the current series to rebuild the TARDIS so that it looks more like a hotel or change the plots completely and just have one small table and two plastic chairs inside it.
Mr Dieselin is currently assessing the supposed speed of the TARDIS which currently traverses the time vortex and can rematerialise in any destination or time. Early indications suggest he’s not pleased with his findings.
To coincide with the present furore over the Dr Who 50th anniversary, BBC producers have revealed they are considering basing a couple of episodes during the next series in the heart of Tyrone. The time travelling alien humanoid is set to roam the ramparts of Benburb searching for intelligent life before ending up raking about Greencastle in the future to prevent Daleks from Kildress kidnapping the Sperrin Ladies Football team.
Mixed reaction to the news has dampened the initial excitement after this morning’s announcement. Benburb historian Paddy Jordan admitted he wasn’t sure if this was a good thing at all:
“The last thing Benburb needs is another doctor with dubious qualifications. There was an American boy here a few years ago and called himself a doctor. We built him a surgery and all and sure he never cured one person. No matter what ailment you had, he’d rub a docken leaf over it. Even for tonsillitis, dizziness or piles. Turns out he was no more a doctor than Paisley was.”
Greencastle Dr Who fanatic Diarmuid Elvin has welcomed the news but told the new doctor to heed his warning:
“This can only be a good thing for Kildress. We’ll probably not be around when the Kildress Daleks come for our Ladies team in 3o11 so if the good doctor can put a spanner in their works we’ll take him in. But he needs to realise that the Kildress Daleks will probably be like nothing he has met before. Them boys’ll be savage, probably biting and giving deadly slagging out to him. He’ll need to be thick-skinned.”
‘The Search For Intelligent Life In Benburb’ begins filming in the Spring. The BBC have respectfully asked residents not to be annoying the Doctor with the worn-out ‘Knock Knock….Who’s There?… Dr….Dr Who….How did you know?….’ joke routine.