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Paisley’s Library Reveals Admiration For Eoin Mulligan

Paisley and his tattered Mugsy book

Paisley and his tattered Mugsy book

The late Ian Paisley’s vast personal library, which opened for any member of the public to come and browse through a collection of 55,000 volumes, produced a couple of surprises after it emerged that Eoin Mulligan’s autobiography ‘Mugsy – My Story‘ was given pride of place at the front door, encased in bullet-proof glass.

Paisley, who rarely attended GAA games, is said to have closely identified with the Cooktown sharp-shooter and attended his book signing incognito, dressed as a farmer from Lissan.

Our journalist, Kenny Archibald, was allowed a sneak flick through Paisley’s copy and noticed a couple of annotations on the book:

“There were a few pages when Mulligan is describing an amusing incident in his life and you can see where Paisley has written ‘LOL’ or ‘some crack’. The chapter where Mugsy describes getting suspended from school for mooning out the window is heavily annotated with one comment, written in red pen, saying ‘he’s some boyo’. It’s obvious there was some connection between the pair.”

Archibald went on to describe a more startling revelation:

“More importantly, the book was signed at the front by Mulligan with a personal touch. It read ‘To the big Rev – Keep er lit – Lámh Dhearg Abú! ‘, suggesting Mugsy knew rightly on the night of the book signing that the farmer from Lissan was actually the former leader of the DUP. It’s quite a remarkable friendship.”

Coalisland journalist Ronan McSherry’s book Ronan’s Rants was also amongst Paisley’s collection. The only annotation was a moustache which Paisley had drawn on McSherry’s face.

County’s Youth To Turn Wrath Towards Bieber, Banks, Bono, Piers Morgan And Derry After Thatcher/Paisley Era

Outsider Bono

Outsider Bono at 14-1

A county referendum has been called for late 2014 after youths admitted to feeling a bit lost and confused since yesterday’s news that the Reverend Ian Paisley had passed on to his eternal reward.

With Thatcher, Paisley and Rangers FC out of the picture, many young nationalists are now turning their attention to international celebrities for an outlet to vent anger and rage, much to the disappointment of the older generation who claim there is still plenty of home talent to target. Chairperson of the Tyrone Youth Committee Malachy Bradley announced there will be a county-wide vote before Christmas to decide who will take on the role of hate figure for today’s teenagers:

“Yes, it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth to see our young ones walking about without a care in the world. They’re just graffiting their own names and stuff. We need to decide quickly on the next hate figure before we’ve lost them completely to apathy.”

A straw poll this morning in Cookstown saw a number of names emerge from the international celebrity circuit including Justin Bieber and Piers Morgan with only a few identifying Pat Kenny and Mrs Brown as possible targets. Bradley maintains it doesn’t have to be a case of looking beyond our own shores:

“County Derry is always there. Back in the 50s we used to write all kinds of stuff on walls about Draperstown and Ballinderry people. Then there’s always the safe option of Brolly or Spillane. We need to think carefully about this. The banks are too obvious and a poor price anyway at 5-1 each way.”

Other high profile candidates include Willie Frazer, the midges around Lough Neagh, Louis Walsh, traffic wardens and Ryanair who are 3-1f in Toals Bookmakers.

Dr Who Might Film Future Episodes In Benburb And Greencastle

dr-who-s0-08To coincide with the present furore over the Dr Who 50th anniversary, BBC producers have revealed they are considering basing a couple of episodes during the next series in the heart of Tyrone. The time travelling alien humanoid is set to roam the ramparts of Benburb searching for intelligent life before ending up raking about Greencastle in the future to prevent Daleks from Kildress kidnapping the Sperrin Ladies Football team.

Mixed reaction to the news has dampened the initial excitement after this morning’s announcement. Benburb historian Paddy Jordan admitted he wasn’t sure if this was a good thing at all:

“The last thing Benburb needs is another doctor with dubious qualifications. There was an American boy here a few years ago and called himself a doctor. We built him a surgery and all and sure he never cured one person. No matter what ailment you had, he’d rub a docken leaf over it. Even for tonsillitis, dizziness or piles. Turns out he was no more a doctor than Paisley was.”

Greencastle Dr Who fanatic Diarmuid Elvin has welcomed the news but told the new doctor to heed his warning:

“This can only be a good thing for Kildress. We’ll probably not be around when the Kildress Daleks come for our Ladies team in 3o11 so if the good doctor can put a spanner in their works we’ll take him in. But he needs to realise that the Kildress Daleks will probably be like nothing he has met before. Them boys’ll be savage, probably biting and giving deadly slagging out to him. He’ll need to be thick-skinned.”

‘The Search For Intelligent Life In Benburb’ begins filming in the Spring. The BBC have respectfully asked residents not to be annoying the Doctor with the worn-out ‘Knock Knock….Who’s There?… Dr….Dr Who….How did you know?….’ joke routine.

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