In a bold attempt to attract new members to the Irish speaking community in Tyrone, a recently-formed organisation ‘Gaelcappagh’ have won the rights to translate the new 50 Shades novel in the series by E L James into Irish before the English language version hits the shelves in Ireland.
50 Shades of Hidings (as gaeilge), which sees the female protagonist give her male companion a few hidings during romantic courtship, has already received 700 pre-release reservations in mid-Tyrone with many middle-aged women and men rushing to attend Irish Language classes for beginners this weekend.
Gaelcappagh president Lorcan O’Fiach admits it was a risky venture:
“We had to find someone willing to translate 50 Shades of Hidings into our national tongue without getting too hot under the collar and then going home to the husband or wife and upping the courtship stakes. We found a woman McAliskey from the loughshore but that had to be abandoned after her other half complained to us that he was getting no rest at all. Luckily PP Fr Hall’s 89-year maid finished the translation and she seems alright.”
Cappagh local and general handyman Paul Molloy admitted he was spending every last free second cramming before the novel comes out in August:
“I’ve re-read my Progress in Irish book about 40 times now since the announcement last week. I even know the Irish for ‘bate it into ye big girl’ so I hope that comes up in the book or maybe the translator will put it in now because I’ve said it. Maith thú I think.”
50 Shades of Hidings (as gaeilge) retails at £8.99 and will be available in a couple of book stores in August. The English version is due to be released in 2016.
The world famous Derrytresk Drama Group have shocked the local community and beyond by releasing plans to run with their interpretation of ’50 Shades Of Grey’ on stage in the clubrooms during December 2013. The controversial best-selling novel by E L James has so far been snubbed by other acting societies in the county having been dubbed too risqué and downright filthy for the county’s theatre-goers to deal with. However, new Derrytresk artistic director Johnny McGarrell from Maghery reckons the Hill is ready to embrace the darker side of romancing.
“Derrytresk has always been to the forefront when it comes to breaking down boundaries. Whiskey, coal doubles, diffing, dungarees, dirty diesel and armalites were all reportedly invented somewhere between Tamnamore and Annaghmore School, according to oul wives tales from women long dead. Why not push the boundaries when it comes to the groping and tackling females on the stage? I haven’t read the book in full but from the snippets I did set eyes on, they’ve been at that carry-on for years around here.”
Auditions for the lead role of Christian Grey have so far been fruitless with none of the 195 local hopefuls really understanding what the part entailed:
“Lads were turning up with bailer twine and saying things like ‘right ye blade ye’ or ‘would ye be into the batin at all?’ with a cudgel in hand. It’s all a bit too local. One man, a middle-aged joiner, was told to improvise a romantic scene. He stuck on ‘Lady In Red’, handed the actress a plate of potato waffles, beans and sausages and told her he’d load the dishwasher after she’s finished and for her to take it easy. We need to work on what counts as a romantic encounter around here. It’s more the accent than anything. A young footballer from here, Ronald O’Neill, looked the part and worked the women brilliantly with his winks and cheeky smile. It was when he opened his mouth that things fell apart. ‘Jaysus that’s deadly, girl, keep her lit’ just doesn’t sound right during the intimate scenes.”
The Clonoe Parish clergy have issued a statement claiming they have reservations about the explicit bits they read during a retreat last year but that they’d reserve judgement until they’d seen the first show from the front row VIP seats.